Kyle rolls his eyes at the display, some part of him knowing he should be concerned all things considered but it's still Michael Guerin even if he technically has the ability to literally take Kyle apart with his mind.
"Stop comparing me to everyone else. I just don't fucking know what you want, but I want to try. So instead of just flying off the damn handle, talk to me instead of making me feel like I'm fucking beneath even your contempt."
Because he gets it. He's human. He's not one of them. He's a doctor and he technically has the knowledge to destroy Michael and his whole family. But he hasn't, and he won't.
"I told you to forget it because it's not your place to deal with the horrible things my father did to your family and me whining about it, Guerin. I'm bitching about a man that has hurt you and your family and you know what? I do want you to forget it, because the last thing I want is for you to look at me and see him and all he's done."
His words crack, hating how emotional he feels over this. Not just about his father but about the fact that they can't seem to spend time together without fighting.
"And you can think I'm idiot. I don't fucking care," he says, knowing he's lying. "But I refuse to let the fact that he took me to games and camping and all outweigh that in the end, he was a horrible person. He never should have died like he did but that doesn't negate the truth either. But I'm not blaming you, Michael. I'm blaming myself."
For letting himself fall in love with someone who is in love with another. For letting himself think he could be forgiven for the past, for his family. For thinking he had any clue how to make this work.
"But you haven't told me anything, Michael. You've snapped, and you've grumped at me, and you've made me feel like I'm fucking six years old again and can't do a goddamn thing right but don't pretend as if you've talked to me because you haven't. At me, sure, but don't pretend you've even given me anything but apparently cryptic clues that prove to you I'm an idiot because I haven't picked up on them."
Kyle slides off the tailgate, turning to face Michael. "I think I'm going to stay here a bit longer. I'm not ready to go back. And..." He pauses, figuring he's going to say the wrong thing again but being honest. "I hope you don't leave, and it's not because I worry about you driving like this, which I do," he says, and he can't help the truth. The thought of Michael racing out of there as angry as he is terrifies the doctor in him that has done one too many ER rounds. "But because in the end, we both care about the same person and he deserves us trying again."
Because there's little Kyle wouldn't do for Alex, not after all he's put him through and all he's come to care for him.
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"Stop comparing me to everyone else. I just don't fucking know what you want, but I want to try. So instead of just flying off the damn handle, talk to me instead of making me feel like I'm fucking beneath even your contempt."
Because he gets it. He's human. He's not one of them. He's a doctor and he technically has the knowledge to destroy Michael and his whole family. But he hasn't, and he won't.
"I told you to forget it because it's not your place to deal with the horrible things my father did to your family and me whining about it, Guerin. I'm bitching about a man that has hurt you and your family and you know what? I do want you to forget it, because the last thing I want is for you to look at me and see him and all he's done."
His words crack, hating how emotional he feels over this. Not just about his father but about the fact that they can't seem to spend time together without fighting.
"And you can think I'm idiot. I don't fucking care," he says, knowing he's lying. "But I refuse to let the fact that he took me to games and camping and all outweigh that in the end, he was a horrible person. He never should have died like he did but that doesn't negate the truth either. But I'm not blaming you, Michael. I'm blaming myself."
For letting himself fall in love with someone who is in love with another. For letting himself think he could be forgiven for the past, for his family. For thinking he had any clue how to make this work.
"But you haven't told me anything, Michael. You've snapped, and you've grumped at me, and you've made me feel like I'm fucking six years old again and can't do a goddamn thing right but don't pretend as if you've talked to me because you haven't. At me, sure, but don't pretend you've even given me anything but apparently cryptic clues that prove to you I'm an idiot because I haven't picked up on them."
Kyle slides off the tailgate, turning to face Michael. "I think I'm going to stay here a bit longer. I'm not ready to go back. And..." He pauses, figuring he's going to say the wrong thing again but being honest. "I hope you don't leave, and it's not because I worry about you driving like this, which I do," he says, and he can't help the truth. The thought of Michael racing out of there as angry as he is terrifies the doctor in him that has done one too many ER rounds. "But because in the end, we both care about the same person and he deserves us trying again."
Because there's little Kyle wouldn't do for Alex, not after all he's put him through and all he's come to care for him.