Right. I was told that no one had any free will in it. You and another had been volunteered and the person actually being punished was being drugged.

[ He tries to keep his hand firm but tender against Nick's but he can't hide how he tenses thinking about it. He can't help himself. He came out of an abusive relationship months ago and it still hurts him and he blames himself for it, so maybe it's like that. ]

Can I ask why? Was it what you wanted? Was it... I don't know. Punishing yourself going through it again?

[ He remembers Nick locking himself in his room after it, and he can't help but wonder if that's what it's about. ]