I don't need to know anything. I know the parts that matter.
[ People he and Nick love died. Again. He puts on a brave face and takes it all in stride, because he knows others need him to, but that doesn't change how sharply he feels these things. More than he admits to anyone. Nature of the beast. Literally. ]
I don't mind talking about it. I just... never have.
[ If he was honest, no one ever actually asked. Put what was done to him behind him. Forget it. Ignore what he'd been through because the one that did it didn't matter. But some parts of it did. At least to Kyle. ]
When I was first turned, which was two years ago this month actually, I didn't do any of the things I do now. I lived in what I had become. The moments when I woke up on the beach....
[ He pauses there, not thinking about that before now. About how he had died in the ocean just as Chris had. How he'd washed up on that beach, changed.]
I didn't feel human. I felt... feral. Everything was too sharp, too strong. Not just the physical things like the sun or how sounds were amplified but...
[ He's never talked about this and now he's not sure the words he had.
He can't ever forget it. Not anything and that moment is suddenly nearly as overwhelming as it was then and he tips back his glass downing it. ]
When I slow down now, I can feel it. Like what I am is too constrained in my skin. Like it's all too much for who I am and how... It's not who I am and everything I am at the same time.
[ He sighs, pouring himself another single. ]
I'm not sure I have the words to explain it... though I'd never thought about the parallels before. Or that it all happened in the same month.
no subject
[ People he and Nick love died. Again. He puts on a brave face and takes it all in stride, because he knows others need him to, but that doesn't change how sharply he feels these things. More than he admits to anyone. Nature of the beast. Literally. ]
I don't mind talking about it. I just... never have.
[ If he was honest, no one ever actually asked. Put what was done to him behind him. Forget it. Ignore what he'd been through because the one that did it didn't matter. But some parts of it did. At least to Kyle. ]
When I was first turned, which was two years ago this month actually, I didn't do any of the things I do now. I lived in what I had become. The moments when I woke up on the beach....
[ He pauses there, not thinking about that before now. About how he had died in the ocean just as Chris had. How he'd washed up on that beach, changed.]
I didn't feel human. I felt... feral. Everything was too sharp, too strong. Not just the physical things like the sun or how sounds were amplified but...
[ He's never talked about this and now he's not sure the words he had.
He can't ever forget it. Not anything and that moment is suddenly nearly as overwhelming as it was then and he tips back his glass downing it. ]
When I slow down now, I can feel it. Like what I am is too constrained in my skin. Like it's all too much for who I am and how... It's not who I am and everything I am at the same time.
[ He sighs, pouring himself another single. ]
I'm not sure I have the words to explain it... though I'd never thought about the parallels before. Or that it all happened in the same month.