[ That touch makes Kyle lean in closer, staring up at Chris with his eyes half hooded. His love language is most certainly contact and it's what he responds to the most even if he's rarely gone without it here. ]

I hate that I let that be me, and I've not figured out how to let that go though I've moved past it.

I am working on it. It might not seem that way but I am.

[ And without locking away the bad he's down behind some red door in his mind where he can ignore the worst that's happened. ]

You asked though and I don't know what it's like to sink into being what I am because of the repercussions. It's more than just you and the others too. Things I did with him, that I embraced because I believed they were right and I know now were really just abuse under the guise of bloodlust.

That's why I worry. My only role model in all of this is my memories of a family of cursed children who believe themselves to be tantamount to gods. [ He nearly smiles, a crooked little thing. ] I'm already close enough to a god complex as a doctor.