You're one of maybe three people I would talk to it about, honestly. Maybe only two.
From the very first moment there was bloodshed. The first day we met he bit me and fed from me. It was rough and painful and I enjoyed it. I won't say I didn't.
[ For a time he wondered if he had been compelled but he's learned since then he enjoys pain on many levels. Not just receiving. ]
I like inflicting pain too, if the person is enjoying it. I've found that with another but I haven't explored it as deeply as I sometimes dream about. I never did those kind of things before so I can't help sometimes wondering. Is it me liking the actions and the bloodshed or is it from something with him? I want to find out though.
All I wanted when he and I met was someone to love, to be loved by. Being told I was the thing he waited a thousand years for? It might have been a lie but it was everything I wanted to hear.
I think that was the first lesson I was working on figuring out for myself. Exactly what you said. For the most part? I think I have. Now it's working out the rest. Mostly about what's me and what is lingering. If there is anything or I'm just being afraid of myself. I've learned a lot about myself here, and I want to be okay with that.
no subject
From the very first moment there was bloodshed. The first day we met he bit me and fed from me. It was rough and painful and I enjoyed it. I won't say I didn't.
[ For a time he wondered if he had been compelled but he's learned since then he enjoys pain on many levels. Not just receiving. ]
I like inflicting pain too, if the person is enjoying it. I've found that with another but I haven't explored it as deeply as I sometimes dream about. I never did those kind of things before so I can't help sometimes wondering. Is it me liking the actions and the bloodshed or is it from something with him? I want to find out though.
All I wanted when he and I met was someone to love, to be loved by. Being told I was the thing he waited a thousand years for? It might have been a lie but it was everything I wanted to hear.
I think that was the first lesson I was working on figuring out for myself. Exactly what you said. For the most part? I think I have. Now it's working out the rest. Mostly about what's me and what is lingering. If there is anything or I'm just being afraid of myself. I've learned a lot about myself here, and I want to be okay with that.