[More than anything else, Charles is glad (relieved, really) to hear Kyle tell him he feels safe with him. That part of what the man's saying, he believes wholly. It's what he's hoping for in this conversation, and what he hopes they can share between one another. The city is a threat, and not simply a physical one, and how do they survive the things it does without the safety of this kind of caring and support to fall back on when necessary? He's grown enough to depend on people like Kyle, Elle, and occasionally even Amelia, to know that much is true.
But there is an additional nagging feeling in the back of his mind. That some of what he's hearing isn't wholly genuine. He doesn't know. But it sounds to him to be crafted into something the man may think he wants to hear. When it arises, Charles excuses the thought and brushes it aside. If Kyle isn't being wholly truthful with him, it wouldn't be intentional on his part - he assumes it would be because the man doesn't have practice with this kind of vulnerability, and may be aiming to please.
He's not going to fault Kyle for that when, as he's still learning himself, vulnerability one isn't used to giving requires time, practice, and wrangling with difficult feelings that arise. It's not easy, or comfortable. Extending patience and space for those needs feels the least he can do for this incredible man.]
You already are. [Doing better.] But I don't think either of us needs to go at a pace that's too much, either. I will push you [because the man has now affirmed that it's what he wants from him, and Charles does think it's for the best for Kyle, for himself, and for their relationship] but I also need you to tell me if it becomes too much.
I think that's part of how you can stay feeling safe with me-- and how I've felt safe with you. [It reminds him, immediately, of how Kyle had asked him what he wanted the first time they spoke about their feelings for each other. When he'd started, he hadn't realized that he wasn't being transparent, because he feared asking for more than he felt he deserved at the time. That nudge had helped him, and ... here they are now.
Pushing each other to communicate: It's one of the ways he imagines this working for the best between them.]
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But there is an additional nagging feeling in the back of his mind. That some of what he's hearing isn't wholly genuine. He doesn't know. But it sounds to him to be crafted into something the man may think he wants to hear. When it arises, Charles excuses the thought and brushes it aside. If Kyle isn't being wholly truthful with him, it wouldn't be intentional on his part - he assumes it would be because the man doesn't have practice with this kind of vulnerability, and may be aiming to please.
He's not going to fault Kyle for that when, as he's still learning himself, vulnerability one isn't used to giving requires time, practice, and wrangling with difficult feelings that arise. It's not easy, or comfortable. Extending patience and space for those needs feels the least he can do for this incredible man.]
You already are. [Doing better.] But I don't think either of us needs to go at a pace that's too much, either. I will push you [because the man has now affirmed that it's what he wants from him, and Charles does think it's for the best for Kyle, for himself, and for their relationship] but I also need you to tell me if it becomes too much.
I think that's part of how you can stay feeling safe with me-- and how I've felt safe with you. [It reminds him, immediately, of how Kyle had asked him what he wanted the first time they spoke about their feelings for each other. When he'd started, he hadn't realized that he wasn't being transparent, because he feared asking for more than he felt he deserved at the time. That nudge had helped him, and ... here they are now.
Pushing each other to communicate: It's one of the ways he imagines this working for the best between them.]