Okay. Fair enough. I'll have to make sure the my blood stores are set and a plan. Like width and depth... and Ragnor saying he's cool with this and not just finding me digging a moat.
I'll take your word for it. That's definitely workable. I think from the elevator we know it's a lot deeper to the Down though I take no responsibility if it starts raining in the Community Center or something.
I know. You're too kind to offer. You don't think it's possibly harmful to you? I mean, as a doctor, I know that technically it should be.
I know, and you're too good to me. I'll take you up on it sooner than later. I'm just having some issues with things after the pit. About what I did to others even if we both agreed on it.
Which I know is all in my own head. I do know that.
Someone was offended about me feeding from someone that offered too. And I started to feel like maybe I was playing into what they wanted by hurting others, and draining them.
No, worse, they accused me of working for them. That hit me hard.
even when you're being intentionally(consensually) rough with people you're still careful and attentive
i trust you not to murder me and considering i'm planning on sitting on my ass while watching you dig holes, it's not like i'll be active enough to need whatever blood you take from me
i didn't like people touching me when we first got back it was too crowded in there and i felt like there was never enough space
and then nick disappeared and everything got worse i didn't want anyone or anything i got bitchy with people i shouldn't have everything sucks and feels way worse than it should
but i still want you around and i still trust you i know you won't hurt me i know you're definitely not working for the city or those guys or whatever
whoever said that obviously doesn't know you and doesn't deserve to now
I want to be around you and I don't want to lose you either. I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass either. I just feel...
like you, and nate and chris and everyone, that place got to me. i barely fed and was constantly afraid I was going to hurt those I care about and then afraid I would snap like happened before.
i just want to curl up with those i care about who are still here and just exist.
and yet those damn words keeping getting in my head. I know he was hurting to but I'm not sure he didn't mean them.
and knowing someone that's known me that long still thinks I'm a threat to those I love and care for is hard.
i'm trying to get past it. I really am. and maybe the way is to just dive in again. Two years of living like this and i've only felt this way once before.
( but he sends along directions to a cottage in the middle of fucking nowhere, surrounded by trees and other naturey shit that oliver really doesn't like being surrounded by but he isn't bitching.
loudly. instead, he's made himself comfortable inside the window frame of the lounge, leg hanging outside of it and it's. fairly clear oliver hasn't bothered doing much aside from rolling out of bed and moving himself from one room to another: his hair's a mess, curls everywhere from sleeping on a pillow right after he'd taken a shower and left them wet. he's still in boxers and a tee. but he's got one leg outside which is clearly progress enough, right.
and he has a mimosa, which is delicious and non alcoholic. even if it's still in a tall fancy glass with a little orange slice on the rim. )
[ The conversation still makes him smile, and it's not long before he shows up at the address Oli gave him. Slowing down as he approaches, looking over the place. The structure. The area around it. Oli lounging like a housecat in the window.]
Well you definitely look comfy.
[ He's dressed in athletic shorts and a tee with the sleeves cut off, and he drops a bag by the window. ]
Glad to see you're living the lifestyle I suspect you want to be accustomed to.
I'd prefer to be like way closer to the city, but I guess this isn't like the worst place I could be living.
( not quite agreeing with kyle's assessment but not fighting it that hard either. oliver doesn't like living out in the woods, he likes being able to hear the city and shit. and it's not like he can portal--so if he can't ring any of his super fast or portaling pals he'll be stuck out here for however long.
but it's fine. he's got a moat to build. kyle moves to drop the bag and oliver lets his foot hit the ground outside the window so he can reach over for it and drop it off inside. for safe keeping. )
How are you doing?
( gentle prying before oliver goes to get the shovel. )
Not like it's that hard to get there. Super speed aside. [ He at least smiles at that. ] Get Nate to install one of his creepy clown paintings to give you a portal to the theatre. [ He pauses before adding. ] Or my place, if you want.
[ He had been glad to hear from Oli, worrying about him and hoping that he's doing okay. Of course then, he hopes he's doing okay and he's not entirely sure. Hearing from him though had been good and he wants him to know he's still always welcome.
Of course that question is rough and he considers the standard answer. Except this is Oliver. Whatr's the point of lying to someone that is probably doing no better than he is. ]
I'm surviving. All you can do here, right? How about you?
I've only fucked up a few times in the last several days, so that's almost an improvement.
( almost. there's no shovel outside, but oliver knows where he left it--so he lets himself out of the window barefoot, to walk his way over to the front door from outside of it. reaches inside to grab the shovel he'd left by the front door. )
I had a door into Nick's room, but I broke the charm when we moved. Asking Nate's not a bad idea.
( because oliver hates walking and they do have their basement with enough dark corners to put a painting no one wants to look at in. )
I do need to bother Michael more, and his truck isn't nearly as fast as you, ssoo it makes it a little harder.
Is this where I assure you that we're all adjusting?
[ His tones sound dry though, suspecting it's not what Oli wants to hear in that moment. He's not even sure what there is to say but that if the worst thing they did was fuck up lately, it wouldn't destroy them. Maybe. ]
Then have a new one put in to our place. I like you visiting, and I hope you still will.
Also I highly encourage bothering Michael whenever you can. I think he could use it too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Like width and depth... and Ragnor saying he's cool with this and not just finding me digging a moat.
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like 6ft wide and 5ft deep?
you can feed off me
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That's definitely workable. I think from the elevator we know it's a lot deeper to the Down though I take no responsibility if it starts raining in the Community Center or something.
I know. You're too kind to offer.
You don't think it's possibly harmful to you? I mean, as a doctor, I know that technically it should be.
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like donating blood
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Just being careful about what I do to others and how much I hurt them.
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I'll take you up on it sooner than later.
I'm just having some issues with things after the pit. About what I did to others even if we both agreed on it.
Which I know is all in my own head. I do know that.
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And I started to feel like maybe I was playing into what they wanted by hurting others, and draining them.
No, worse, they accused me of working for them. That hit me hard.
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even when you're being intentionally(consensually) rough with people you're still careful and attentive
i trust you not to murder me
and considering i'm planning on sitting on my ass while watching you dig holes, it's not like i'll be active enough to need whatever blood you take from me
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I promise I am trying to work through it. It's just... rough to think about.
I wouldn't ever hurt you, Oli. Not in any way you wouldn't ask for.
I'll work on it, okay?
And you need to work on if you want it all concrete or a natural way of keeping the water in the moat.
Unless you're somehow doing it all with magic.
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it was too crowded in there and i felt like there was never enough space
and then nick disappeared and everything got worse
i didn't want anyone or anything
i got bitchy with people i shouldn't have
everything sucks and feels way worse than it should
but i still want you around and i still trust you
i know you won't hurt me
i know you're definitely not working for the city or those guys or whatever
whoever said that obviously doesn't know you and doesn't deserve to now
and i can handle the inside of the moat
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I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass either. I just feel...
like you, and nate and chris and everyone, that place got to me.
i barely fed and was constantly afraid I was going to hurt those I care about
and then afraid I would snap like happened before.
i just want to curl up with those i care about who are still here and just exist.
and yet those damn words keeping getting in my head.
I know he was hurting to but I'm not sure he didn't mean them.
and knowing someone that's known me that long still thinks I'm a threat to those I love and care for is hard.
i'm trying to get past it. I really am.
and maybe the way is to just dive in again. Two years of living like this and i've only felt this way once before.
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Eventually I'll talk with him, but it's Chris' dominant and I don't want to cause any troubles for him.
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what did he think would happen if it was true?
you'd stop? 'oh haha you've caught me i'm evil and doing evil things'
the only thing someone gets by throwing around baseless accusations is enjoying it when it hurts the person they're throwing it at
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I know I've done some crazy things for others.
At least its how I'm trying to see it.
Maybe hope to find proof to tell others? I don't know. Just the music and lights getting to him.
I don't think he was enjoying it anymore than I was.
[ He's not sure though, honestly. He's not sure of a lot from those days. ]
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he's wrong and you're fine
do you want to come over to start the moat?
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you know, i would. i'd like that. let's get started.
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bring an extra set of clothes you might need them
( but he sends along directions to a cottage in the middle of fucking nowhere, surrounded by trees and other naturey shit that oliver really doesn't like being surrounded by but he isn't bitching.
loudly. instead, he's made himself comfortable inside the window frame of the lounge, leg hanging outside of it and it's. fairly clear oliver hasn't bothered doing much aside from rolling out of bed and moving himself from one room to another: his hair's a mess, curls everywhere from sleeping on a pillow right after he'd taken a shower and left them wet. he's still in boxers and a tee. but he's got one leg outside which is clearly progress enough, right.
and he has a mimosa, which is delicious and non alcoholic. even if it's still in a tall fancy glass with a little orange slice on the rim. )
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Well you definitely look comfy.
[ He's dressed in athletic shorts and a tee with the sleeves cut off, and he drops a bag by the window. ]
Glad to see you're living the lifestyle I suspect you want to be accustomed to.
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( not quite agreeing with kyle's assessment but not fighting it that hard either. oliver doesn't like living out in the woods, he likes being able to hear the city and shit. and it's not like he can portal--so if he can't ring any of his super fast or portaling pals he'll be stuck out here for however long.
but it's fine. he's got a moat to build. kyle moves to drop the bag and oliver lets his foot hit the ground outside the window so he can reach over for it and drop it off inside. for safe keeping. )
How are you doing?
( gentle prying before oliver goes to get the shovel. )
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[ He had been glad to hear from Oli, worrying about him and hoping that he's doing okay. Of course then, he hopes he's doing okay and he's not entirely sure. Hearing from him though had been good and he wants him to know he's still always welcome.
Of course that question is rough and he considers the standard answer. Except this is Oliver. Whatr's the point of lying to someone that is probably doing no better than he is. ]
I'm surviving. All you can do here, right? How about you?
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( almost. there's no shovel outside, but oliver knows where he left it--so he lets himself out of the window barefoot, to walk his way over to the front door from outside of it. reaches inside to grab the shovel he'd left by the front door. )
I had a door into Nick's room, but I broke the charm when we moved. Asking Nate's not a bad idea.
( because oliver hates walking and they do have their basement with enough dark corners to put a painting no one wants to look at in. )
I do need to bother Michael more, and his truck isn't nearly as fast as you, ssoo it makes it a little harder.
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[ His tones sound dry though, suspecting it's not what Oli wants to hear in that moment. He's not even sure what there is to say but that if the worst thing they did was fuck up lately, it wouldn't destroy them. Maybe. ]
Then have a new one put in to our place. I like you visiting, and I hope you still will.
Also I highly encourage bothering Michael whenever you can. I think he could use it too.
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