I admit, I'm reading what went on, Alex. If you don't think talking is going to do any good, I'm not sure you're going to want to hear what I have to say.
I'm just trying to help. If Bass hadn't slipped under the radar, I probably wouldn't have had a contract when I first got here because there just wasn't anyone I trusted.
[ Okay, maybe not fair. ]
All right, I would have gone with you back then, but that's still an extraordinary coincidence that we both happen to be here.
I know you are, Alex. I do know what's all you want to do. That said...
Someone investigating me for Elijah would have utterly approved me as his dominant, I'm sure... and he used me, used my money and abused me.
The killers we had? The killer was the dominant, but trust me, Roman was pulling the strings. He wanted me to carve his name on the dominant's ribs... while he was awake.
I know you're trying to help submissives, but we're all in a bad place for different reasons and the designations are random. Bad people could be on either side of things.
I'm not saying it's perfect. And of course if a submissive felt off to me or a dominant wanted to hire me, I'd do something. But the point of the post was to let submissives know that they had options. Dominants can hire me right from the start. As soon as they get a job. Submissives can't. That's the only difference I really see that matters.
And you don't see that charging someone for a service they don't agree to could lead to a lot of issues with the city? Issues that would come back on me as well?
Which... You used me as your example, Alex. Me in high school that I thought was behind us and forgiven but when pressed to prove someone to be someone they're not, you used me. It feels like a slap in the face.
You're the only example I could stomach precisely because you're not that guy anymore. My best example is the man who has a statue of himself in the middle of town. I could still love you if you were still the same person you were because I loved him even until the end. I just couldn't trust him. You? You I trust.
Four years back home and another almost five here and you still think I'm holding your past against you?
[ Maybe he should respond to the rest of it, but this is more important. ]
I didn't until now. Because how can you say you trust me when I'm the example you used, Alex.
And how can I trust that it won't happen again. Or that you even don't see me the same if you say you could still love me like that? I hate the boy I was and you could still love him just because that's how you love, not who I am but I'm the worst example you could use. I have done so much to bind myself to ensure I never hurt someone because of what I am but you would still love me if I did the worse.
That's scary, Alex. I don't know what to think. Especially being in the same boat in your mind as your dad.
Yes, I could still love you. Because I did still love you. It's why you could get under my skin the way you did. It's why I didn't look too hard when you suddenly declared him your soul mate. Because it hurt and I was being petty. And I'd understand if that was why you couldn't trust me.
But not being in love with you? I fought like hell against it because I didn't think I could be in love with more than one person. Didn't think I should be may be the better way to put it. But now? I'll fight like hell for it.
I ... [ Writing...writing... ]
Can I call you? I think this would be easier over the phone.
[ Kyle doesn't know what to say as he reads the message. There's so much this is stirring up and it's just tearing him up inside. Things he doesn't know what to think, and feeling so much pain as a past he's pushed behind him is dragged to the surface. ]
If you want, sure. I'm on my way to my office.
[ He isn't sure if this is a good idea. He's already confused and upset and he doesn't know if he can handle this. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Okay, maybe not fair. ]
All right, I would have gone with you back then, but that's still an extraordinary coincidence that we both happen to be here.
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Someone investigating me for Elijah would have utterly approved me as his dominant, I'm sure... and he used me, used my money and abused me.
The killers we had? The killer was the dominant, but trust me, Roman was pulling the strings. He wanted me to carve his name on the dominant's ribs... while he was awake.
I know you're trying to help submissives, but we're all in a bad place for different reasons and the designations are random. Bad people could be on either side of things.
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Which... You used me as your example, Alex. Me in high school that I thought was behind us and forgiven but when pressed to prove someone to be someone they're not, you used me. It feels like a slap in the face.
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Four years back home and another almost five here and you still think I'm holding your past against you?
[ Maybe he should respond to the rest of it, but this is more important. ]
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And how can I trust that it won't happen again. Or that you even don't see me the same if you say you could still love me like that? I hate the boy I was and you could still love him just because that's how you love, not who I am but I'm the worst example you could use. I have done so much to bind myself to ensure I never hurt someone because of what I am but you would still love me if I did the worse.
That's scary, Alex. I don't know what to think. Especially being in the same boat in your mind as your dad.
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But not being in love with you? I fought like hell against it because I didn't think I could be in love with more than one person. Didn't think I should be may be the better way to put it. But now? I'll fight like hell for it.
I ... [ Writing...writing... ]
Can I call you? I think this would be easier over the phone.
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If you want, sure. I'm on my way to my office.
[ He isn't sure if this is a good idea. He's already confused and upset and he doesn't know if he can handle this. ]