You're the only example I could stomach precisely because you're not that guy anymore. My best example is the man who has a statue of himself in the middle of town. I could still love you if you were still the same person you were because I loved him even until the end. I just couldn't trust him. You? You I trust.
Four years back home and another almost five here and you still think I'm holding your past against you?
[ Maybe he should respond to the rest of it, but this is more important. ]
I didn't until now. Because how can you say you trust me when I'm the example you used, Alex.
And how can I trust that it won't happen again. Or that you even don't see me the same if you say you could still love me like that? I hate the boy I was and you could still love him just because that's how you love, not who I am but I'm the worst example you could use. I have done so much to bind myself to ensure I never hurt someone because of what I am but you would still love me if I did the worse.
That's scary, Alex. I don't know what to think. Especially being in the same boat in your mind as your dad.
Yes, I could still love you. Because I did still love you. It's why you could get under my skin the way you did. It's why I didn't look too hard when you suddenly declared him your soul mate. Because it hurt and I was being petty. And I'd understand if that was why you couldn't trust me.
But not being in love with you? I fought like hell against it because I didn't think I could be in love with more than one person. Didn't think I should be may be the better way to put it. But now? I'll fight like hell for it.
I ... [ Writing...writing... ]
Can I call you? I think this would be easier over the phone.
[ Kyle doesn't know what to say as he reads the message. There's so much this is stirring up and it's just tearing him up inside. Things he doesn't know what to think, and feeling so much pain as a past he's pushed behind him is dragged to the surface. ]
If you want, sure. I'm on my way to my office.
[ He isn't sure if this is a good idea. He's already confused and upset and he doesn't know if he can handle this. ]
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no subject
Four years back home and another almost five here and you still think I'm holding your past against you?
[ Maybe he should respond to the rest of it, but this is more important. ]
no subject
And how can I trust that it won't happen again. Or that you even don't see me the same if you say you could still love me like that? I hate the boy I was and you could still love him just because that's how you love, not who I am but I'm the worst example you could use. I have done so much to bind myself to ensure I never hurt someone because of what I am but you would still love me if I did the worse.
That's scary, Alex. I don't know what to think. Especially being in the same boat in your mind as your dad.
no subject
But not being in love with you? I fought like hell against it because I didn't think I could be in love with more than one person. Didn't think I should be may be the better way to put it. But now? I'll fight like hell for it.
I ... [ Writing...writing... ]
Can I call you? I think this would be easier over the phone.
no subject
If you want, sure. I'm on my way to my office.
[ He isn't sure if this is a good idea. He's already confused and upset and he doesn't know if he can handle this. ]