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Every time Kyle thinks he's making sense of what his life in Roswell has become, he finds the world is once more tilting on it's axis and everything is changing. Since he'd bested Jesse Manes, things had been better. Looking up even. Except he's almost more confused than he's ever been. At least where his emotions are concerned.

Much as he's never put it into words, he knows he is falling in love with Alex Manes. He knows having his friend back is the singular best thing that has happened since he came back to Roswell after medical school. And he knows there's little he wouldn't do for him. Yet he knows that this thing with Michael, it isn't all about just making Alex happy. Even if he isn't sure he really knows Michael all that well. Sure kissing him is hot, but they're going to need more than that if they're going to make this work.

So he sent Michael a text during his shift, asking him to meet Kyle at the Wild Pony that evening. He knew Alex was working on some things, and he let him know they'd be hanging out. If nothing else, a beer or two would make it easier, especially with working out the past and what they wanted for the future.

So he changes after his rounds and heads over to the bar, ordering a beer and settling at a table out of the way and looks for Guerin.

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"I do." He says it quickly, so fast, and he knows he should stop but he can't. "I think about what he did every time I see you, or Isobel, and every time I see another sign of what has happened in this town because off him and Jesse Manes."

He looks down and away, shifting as he shoves his hands in his pockets, hugging his arms close to his sides, drawing a deep breath and sighing out as he looks at Michael once, his expression so drawn and showing the pain and sadness he keeps trying to hide.

"I don't blame myself for what he did. I fear becoming him. I'm scared to death of letting myself get caught up in all the wrong things. Not like I haven't done it once, right?"

And he is scared he can't swear he won't again.

"And I'm good for do as I say not as I do, Michael," he adds softly. "Because hypocrite is apparently in my DNA." He's been one. His father. Hell, even his mom when he's called her out on her beliefs about the Ortecho's.

"Oh great, course soon as you ask like that, I can't think of anything," he says, smiling thought to soften the words, trying to at least make himself relax. Which isn't easy when he's positive everything he says will be looked down on and seen as idiotic. "Tell me about this place," he says softly. "About how you feel out here."

Maybe it does sound stupid but he said it's important to him, so he wants to know.

Micahel sighs, pushing his fingers through his hair and he can't help but find that a bit infuriating and he doesn't know why. But there's no point in arguing or telling Kyle that he doesn't need to worry about shit like that. People who worry about it aren't the people who become the monsters. It's the ones who never stop to consider they could.

"Then do better and stop being a fucking hypocrite," Michael settles on it being the only thing he'll say to that matter. He taps his fist lightly on the truck's bed's frame.

It's a bit hard to shift away from the anger but he'll do it. He has to. He shifts and moves to grab the bottle of alcohol again taking a long drink from it.

"When I ended up back in Roswell, this became my spot. On the really bad nights, I'd come here. Something felt... connected here and I guess it's kind of stupid but I'd look up at the sky and just wait for someone to come for me." Michael lifts a shoulder. "Sometimes it made me feel less alone, imagining someone was out there looking..." he furrowed his brow because after the prison well... it's not likely anyone had ever been looking for him after all. "It's the one place I could be that I could hope things would get better."

Before Alex, anyway.

"Another time we'll talk about why I became a hypocrite," he says, being honest about it because if they're actually going to truly get involved in all of this, then eventually all of this has to be talked about. What's the point if they don't share?

But this is about Michael, about this place, not about Kyle getting hard at the thought of kissing his best friend during a game of spin the bottle, and fearing being beaten like Alex was so often.

"It's not stupid, Michael. Not at all," he says softly, sincere though, being honest about how that sounds and how he feels about it. "It makes sense you would come back to this place, and you don't know there isn't someone out there," he points out. "You were once upon a time. There could be others."

He cants his head back, looking up at the sky. "I mean, let's be honest, Michael. You're the literally proof about why there could have been others out there and could be coming for you."

They have no idea how long it took Michael and his people to get to Earth, after all, and how long it might take others to get there.

Michael shrugs. They could talk about it but he'd be settled on the idea that just because you were once a hypocrite doesn't mean you have to stay one but he lets it go for now.

"If my mom was in Caulfield... I don't really think there was more family out there looking for me," Michael says and he's not trying to be negative but it's just what he believes. If he had any other family they were in that prison when it got blown up too. They were gone. Maybe there were other aliens out there like him, Max and Isobel but that didn't mean they were family in the same way, in the way he'd been wishing for when he was younger.

"It's not the same, but it's fine," Michael shrugged. He knew that because Alex knew Kyle knows that he has part of the ship that crashed that he'd been trying to rebuild it so he could go out searching. But honestly, between Alex... and knowing his mother had died in that prison there feels less and less reason to try. He still felt out of place and like he didn't really belong here but he's not sure he'd belong any better out there either.

"It still feels right to be out here, though." It still feels close to home or something or what he guesses is home since he's never really had one of those to know what it should feel like.

One day Kyle will forgive himself for what he did to Alex. One day. He's pretty sure that won't be any time soon, though the way things have been going he's getting closer to it. He doubts he'll ever let it go through. Forgetting means risking doing it again, in letting his fears control him and Kyle plans to never let that happen again. No matter how much madness he throws himself into trying to prove he won't let fear control him.

Even if he has felt the trickling of it during this talk. Of what he would do to keep the relationships he has and how much he doesn't want to lose this. Not just with Alex, but with Michael as well.

There's a part of Kyle then that wants to argue there could be others, even distant family, but given how little he wants to have with any family besides his mom after everything that's happened, he figures that isn't the right answer either.

"It doesn't have to be fine, but I can understand that." He can't bring himself to talk about accepting he can still love his dad as much as he hates what he did, so how can he push Michael to cope with dealing with so much worse.

"Thank you for bringing me out here. For sharing this with me."

Michael's quiet for a while and he shrugs.

"You wanted to know me, this was just a good place to start," he says. He feels exhausted somehow, this whole conversation starting at the bar and now here just weighty.

"I'm trying, Kyle."

He's trying to make it work too.