[maybe. maybe there's a tiny small part of Elijah that knows he's hurting Kyle, and maybe he's doing it because he doesn't think he deserves anyone right now-- especially the person who had showed him such loving devotion, when all Elijah had done was treat him so roughly and all but use him during sex, even if he'd been a little bit gentler after. Guilt played wildly with his conscious. No matter how Elijah played this, he would never win.
He listened, and inhaled, exhaled, then thought of one thing that Kyle missed.]
I never turned my feelings off. I did all those things with my emotions on.
[it did shock him though. It shocked Elijah to know that Kyle had seen beyond his red door, that he'd willingly taken that step and made it out the other side. When Hayley had done the same thing, she had taken off and not come back to Elijah, not really and then Elijah had forgotten her and then her death and they'd never had time to reconcile. It was all a little too horrible for words. A sob wells up in Elijah's throat, and he doesn't even know why, or who it's for, but it's there.]
How...
Fuck.
[the word slips out before he realizes it, and he wants to take it back, to pull it all back, but he doesn't know how a human made it through that horrid revelation and could still love him. He wants to know. He wants to know what kind of man this is, or how someone like Elijah could even deserve that. Especially now. Elijah feels about as worthy as the dog shit on the bottom of someone's shoe. He's still reeling from that, when Kyle drops the next bomb. They had a close enough bond that Elijah fed from him after hours? of them meeting?]
.... I would never. That's. No. I don't trust people. I don't let people get that close, nor would I feed from a willing human without compulsion, it's just not done.
no subject
He listened, and inhaled, exhaled, then thought of one thing that Kyle missed.]
I never turned my feelings off. I did all those things with my emotions on.
[it did shock him though. It shocked Elijah to know that Kyle had seen beyond his red door, that he'd willingly taken that step and made it out the other side. When Hayley had done the same thing, she had taken off and not come back to Elijah, not really and then Elijah had forgotten her and then her death and they'd never had time to reconcile. It was all a little too horrible for words. A sob wells up in Elijah's throat, and he doesn't even know why, or who it's for, but it's there.]
How...
Fuck.
[the word slips out before he realizes it, and he wants to take it back, to pull it all back, but he doesn't know how a human made it through that horrid revelation and could still love him. He wants to know. He wants to know what kind of man this is, or how someone like Elijah could even deserve that. Especially now. Elijah feels about as worthy as the dog shit on the bottom of someone's shoe. He's still reeling from that, when Kyle drops the next bomb. They had a close enough bond that Elijah fed from him after hours? of them meeting?]
.... I would never. That's. No. I don't trust people. I don't let people get that close, nor would I feed from a willing human without compulsion, it's just not done.