[maybe. maybe there's a tiny small part of Elijah that knows he's hurting Kyle, and maybe he's doing it because he doesn't think he deserves anyone right now-- especially the person who had showed him such loving devotion, when all Elijah had done was treat him so roughly and all but use him during sex, even if he'd been a little bit gentler after. Guilt played wildly with his conscious. No matter how Elijah played this, he would never win.
He listened, and inhaled, exhaled, then thought of one thing that Kyle missed.]
I never turned my feelings off. I did all those things with my emotions on.
[it did shock him though. It shocked Elijah to know that Kyle had seen beyond his red door, that he'd willingly taken that step and made it out the other side. When Hayley had done the same thing, she had taken off and not come back to Elijah, not really and then Elijah had forgotten her and then her death and they'd never had time to reconcile. It was all a little too horrible for words. A sob wells up in Elijah's throat, and he doesn't even know why, or who it's for, but it's there.]
How...
Fuck.
[the word slips out before he realizes it, and he wants to take it back, to pull it all back, but he doesn't know how a human made it through that horrid revelation and could still love him. He wants to know. He wants to know what kind of man this is, or how someone like Elijah could even deserve that. Especially now. Elijah feels about as worthy as the dog shit on the bottom of someone's shoe. He's still reeling from that, when Kyle drops the next bomb. They had a close enough bond that Elijah fed from him after hours? of them meeting?]
.... I would never. That's. No. I don't trust people. I don't let people get that close, nor would I feed from a willing human without compulsion, it's just not done.
[His tones are still rough, thick from the tears that threaten to overcome him. He's hurting, and he's finally angry that after a thousand years of being denied happiness by his family, he's denying his chance at it.]
Because it doesn't. I saw it all, and I clung to you, screaming, and I still held you. I mourned all you had lost and everything you had been through. I know you keep saying you're not ready, Elijah, but it hurts knowing all I offered and it... you don't...
[He winces, shaking his head. It's not that easy to say it, to try and not hurt Elijah despite how bad he's hurting himself.]
Have you had that blood you took with you? Did you think I just had several bags of the same blood type laying around? The same person's blood? It's mine. I've been taking it as often as I can. First so you could take it to club nights with Rebekah, and then because I didn't know what you would need coming out of the coma. My blood is yours, Elijah, and honestly? I really don't care how things are done. I care about how we do things.
[He keeps waiting for the call to end, for Elijah to hang up on him. He's stayed silent and let him runaway and not texted him constantly and begged him to come home but he Elijah opened the door, as it were, and now he's not sure he can close it. Even if he's trying so hard not to say too much. Just what he's done and how he feels.]
I just don't. I can't put it together, Kyle. I'm sorry.
[Elijah sighs and as much as he doesn't want to think about this, Kyle is really beginning to force him to face some of the facts from his old life here -- it was so short, and yet he gave this human so much power over him. He doesn't understand that in light of how he feels and felt for Hayley, and how he knows it would have disrupted the flow of life within the Mikaelson family at large.]
Thank you for the blood. I needed it when I woke, but I just can't do this right now. Thank you for listening to me. I think I should go. Goodnight, Kyle.
[it's hard, but Elijah hangs up, feeling lost and very alone right now. He doesn't know what's going on, but suddenly he wishes he were back home with his family and had someone, anyone to be with at the moment. Alone just isn't cutting it.]
[Kyle listens, and he hurts for Elijah. He hurts that he can't help him, and that Kyle's love for him is causing so much trouble for him. It hurts. Like he imagines it would if someone had physically reached into his chest and ripped out his heart.
Closing his eyes, listening to the phone go dead even as he whispers softly.]
I love you.
[He lets the device fall with a clatter onto the desk, turning and heading inside. Making it to the couch, curling up and not fighting the tears he feels. Philip's gone. Margo has Seth and happiness. He hasn't anyone left he feels he can turn to and much as he fights against the fears, he knows he might spend the rest of his life loving someone that will never see him again.]
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no subject
He listened, and inhaled, exhaled, then thought of one thing that Kyle missed.]
I never turned my feelings off. I did all those things with my emotions on.
[it did shock him though. It shocked Elijah to know that Kyle had seen beyond his red door, that he'd willingly taken that step and made it out the other side. When Hayley had done the same thing, she had taken off and not come back to Elijah, not really and then Elijah had forgotten her and then her death and they'd never had time to reconcile. It was all a little too horrible for words. A sob wells up in Elijah's throat, and he doesn't even know why, or who it's for, but it's there.]
How...
Fuck.
[the word slips out before he realizes it, and he wants to take it back, to pull it all back, but he doesn't know how a human made it through that horrid revelation and could still love him. He wants to know. He wants to know what kind of man this is, or how someone like Elijah could even deserve that. Especially now. Elijah feels about as worthy as the dog shit on the bottom of someone's shoe. He's still reeling from that, when Kyle drops the next bomb. They had a close enough bond that Elijah fed from him after hours? of them meeting?]
.... I would never. That's. No. I don't trust people. I don't let people get that close, nor would I feed from a willing human without compulsion, it's just not done.
no subject
[His tones are still rough, thick from the tears that threaten to overcome him. He's hurting, and he's finally angry that after a thousand years of being denied happiness by his family, he's denying his chance at it.]
Because it doesn't. I saw it all, and I clung to you, screaming, and I still held you. I mourned all you had lost and everything you had been through. I know you keep saying you're not ready, Elijah, but it hurts knowing all I offered and it... you don't...
[He winces, shaking his head. It's not that easy to say it, to try and not hurt Elijah despite how bad he's hurting himself.]
Have you had that blood you took with you? Did you think I just had several bags of the same blood type laying around? The same person's blood? It's mine. I've been taking it as often as I can. First so you could take it to club nights with Rebekah, and then because I didn't know what you would need coming out of the coma. My blood is yours, Elijah, and honestly? I really don't care how things are done. I care about how we do things.
[He keeps waiting for the call to end, for Elijah to hang up on him. He's stayed silent and let him runaway and not texted him constantly and begged him to come home but he Elijah opened the door, as it were, and now he's not sure he can close it. Even if he's trying so hard not to say too much. Just what he's done and how he feels.]
no subject
[Elijah sighs and as much as he doesn't want to think about this, Kyle is really beginning to force him to face some of the facts from his old life here -- it was so short, and yet he gave this human so much power over him. He doesn't understand that in light of how he feels and felt for Hayley, and how he knows it would have disrupted the flow of life within the Mikaelson family at large.]
Thank you for the blood. I needed it when I woke, but I just can't do this right now. Thank you for listening to me. I think I should go. Goodnight, Kyle.
[it's hard, but Elijah hangs up, feeling lost and very alone right now. He doesn't know what's going on, but suddenly he wishes he were back home with his family and had someone, anyone to be with at the moment. Alone just isn't cutting it.]
no subject
Closing his eyes, listening to the phone go dead even as he whispers softly.]
I love you.
[He lets the device fall with a clatter onto the desk, turning and heading inside. Making it to the couch, curling up and not fighting the tears he feels. Philip's gone. Margo has Seth and happiness. He hasn't anyone left he feels he can turn to and much as he fights against the fears, he knows he might spend the rest of his life loving someone that will never see him again.]