There's been times, yeah. Not recently for me but back when I was with my ex.
He was in charge of things, and sometimes the city would do like it did this time. Drew out my most dominant side and the fall out ended up being madness, honestly. Much as I feel it would be for someone dominant by nature who ended up playing into a submissive designation.
I don't always remember the thoughts from back then, but then I realized a lot of it was my playing into someone I never was so I always thought it was that.
[There's a long moment while Chris thinks on that. Compares it with the missing reasoning in his mind. Playing into someone he wasn't? Or someone else' influence? Or just the city.
But that last question has his hands stilling and his mind blanking a moment.]
Nothing that needs a thought spared, just poking at something. Thank you, Kyle
Are you bothered because you don't know why you came to me that day? Or do you want that from again? Not assuming for me but are you wondering if it was more you than something else?
No, Kyle, not to do with you at all, I came to you likely cause there was still ground to settle between us. You proved you're beyond trustworthy when you could've taken advantage, I'm not fussed at all with what happened with us.
[They were fine.]
And truth told, I might need that sort of thing more often than I allow myself, but letting that control go is difficult to decide on even with those I might trust with me for it, so please don't think it's a you thing.
[Had that been it? Had he been so desperate to let go of control for a time that, in his lowered inhibitions, he'd decided to with some stranger? If so, then why couldn't he remember? It just didn't sit right still.]
I'm glad to hear that but I was more wondering if you wanted to submit more possibly. If you're wondering if those desires came from the city, or from yourself somewhere.
Though it's this town. You have to assume if you didn't make the conscious decision for it, then it wasn't exactly your own choice.
I think at some point I stopped questioning these things in a lot of ways, and it's not a bad thing that you are.
I get a lot of stuff in my head. Noise. I've tried a number of things to help ease it and it works for a time, but not as well as bad habits I've shook off.
I've got something in the works with someone I trust deeply, though it's not to be sexual between us. I might be interested in finding other times to try it in other ways as well.
You should explore it, and not just because of how utterly charming you were that day. It's something I enjoy with certain others and it can really help get you outside of yourself and just into the moment.
I'm sorry your experience in this case was not of our own choice but that is my only regret in it.
I might try with various people to see who I fit best with or might even have more than one so that it doesn't feel inherent to the relationship and dynamic.
If that's the case, would you be interested in playing again? You did take good care of me.
You should definitely explore things with those you trust. Its something I've learned here and maybe it's giving in to a degree but I like that I can throw myself fully into things I've never had before.
I would be thrilled, Chris. Hearing that means a lot. I can utterly switch but when I'm in a dominant position, I never want to abuse that position. Use someone, certainly but nothing more.
If you can switch, I'd be happy to return the favor if ever your regular choices aren't available or if you've need of something you're uncomfortable asking them for. But use over abuse is what I'd be looking for. We can talk limits and comfort zones another time, though. I don't do scenes in either direction without full conversations, if that's alright with you.
Or if I would just enjoy that with you. I did the bit of it at the party, after all, and would look forward to it again.
I am absolutely for that. We can't always help what this place does but when we can set rules I think it should be done. I think its good for us in this place and in general.
Or that, yes. I very much enjoyed what we did at the party and I can think of more than one follow-up.
I whole-heartedly agree. There's times we don't have the choice in things, but better to make that choice for ourselves outside of those times. I'd rather take enjoyment where I can rather than wait in fear of what they might put into our heads next.
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He was in charge of things, and sometimes the city would do like it did this time. Drew out my most dominant side and the fall out ended up being madness, honestly.
Much as I feel it would be for someone dominant by nature who ended up playing into a submissive designation.
I don't always remember the thoughts from back then, but then I realized a lot of it was my playing into someone I never was so I always thought it was that.
What's going on exactly?
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But that last question has his hands stilling and his mind blanking a moment.]
Nothing that needs a thought spared, just poking at something. Thank you, Kyle
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With everything I've been through here and all I've experienced, I'm not going to look at anything you have to say oddly or think less of you.
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If I didn't think I could talk to you about something, I wouldn't be here.
There's just nothing to talk about.
It's just a mind exercise.
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Or do you want that from again? Not assuming for me but are you wondering if it was more you than something else?
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No, Kyle, not to do with you at all, I came to you likely cause there was still ground to settle between us. You proved you're beyond trustworthy when you could've taken advantage, I'm not fussed at all with what happened with us.
[They were fine.]
And truth told, I might need that sort of thing more often than I allow myself, but letting that control go is difficult to decide on even with those I might trust with me for it, so please don't think it's a you thing.
[Had that been it? Had he been so desperate to let go of control for a time that, in his lowered inhibitions, he'd decided to with some stranger? If so, then why couldn't he remember? It just didn't sit right still.]
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Though it's this town. You have to assume if you didn't make the conscious decision for it, then it wasn't exactly your own choice.
I think at some point I stopped questioning these things in a lot of ways, and it's not a bad thing that you are.
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I might. On occasion.
I get a lot of stuff in my head. Noise. I've tried a number of things to help ease it and it works for a time, but not as well as bad habits I've shook off.
I've got something in the works with someone I trust deeply, though it's not to be sexual between us. I might be interested in finding other times to try it in other ways as well.
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It's something I enjoy with certain others and it can really help get you outside of yourself and just into the moment.
I'm sorry your experience in this case was not of our own choice but that is my only regret in it.
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I might try with various people to see who I fit best with or might even have more than one so that it doesn't feel inherent to the relationship and dynamic.
If that's the case, would you be interested in playing again? You did take good care of me.
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I would be thrilled, Chris. Hearing that means a lot. I can utterly switch but when I'm in a dominant position, I never want to abuse that position. Use someone, certainly but nothing more.
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If you can switch, I'd be happy to return the favor if ever your regular choices aren't available or if you've need of something you're uncomfortable asking them for.
But use over abuse is what I'd be looking for. We can talk limits and comfort zones another time, though.
I don't do scenes in either direction without full conversations, if that's alright with you.
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I am absolutely for that. We can't always help what this place does but when we can set rules I think it should be done. I think its good for us in this place and in general.
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I whole-heartedly agree. There's times we don't have the choice in things, but better to make that choice for ourselves outside of those times. I'd rather take enjoyment where I can rather than wait in fear of what they might put into our heads next.
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I'm sorry we met like we did but honestly, I'm glad we met.
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[...]
Me too. I'm glad I came to talk to you, but more: I'm glad I flirted with you.
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Maybe over dinner? My place? Beautiful views and I'm a decent cook.
Oh definitely glad you flirting, and hope you do it so often.
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And I'll definitely keep flirting, it's favorite pastime.
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Good. It's charming on you.
(ooc: Up for me making it a thread? Flirting and negotiating and such?
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(ooc: absolutely!)
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