He didn't do anything and I won't lie about that. I spent every day I could begging his forgiveness and doing everything for him after I came back to myself.
I was sirebound and new and the city ordered us apart. I freaked out. I broke. He, my sire, had already done things to leave me shattered and I just broke. My entire system basically shut down. All emotions gone. I couldn't remember why I should care. It is still horrific to think about.
[ Rowan takes some time to think about that before he responds. He's turned off like that, in a way, too. Probably not to the same extent as Kyle here. Or perhaps the same.
Rowan's been well-trained, though. He doesn't really think Kyle was meant for this, not like Rowan is. ]
so this is a vampire thing. you were made. and then you did what vampires do.
no. we can all change. but it takes time and sometimes help. your help was taken from you.
[ He doesn't judge, though he does worry now that Kyle will break again. He needs to be taken care of, stopped but not in the way that Rowan knows. He needs someone else. ]
It's an answer that makes sense to me. sorta. so it's fine.
It was, but then I put all of myself into one person and that allowed it to happen. It's something I won't ever do again.
[ And he's working on that. Reaching back out to old friends he had closed himself off from, making new friends, letting himself care though he had at one time been determined not to do it at all. ]
Which I know is all about showing not telling. I'm glad it makes sense to you though.
True. It's hard to admit sometimes but you're right. If I ever get to that point, I think I have a handful of people that are going to ensure it's better.
You probably know about as much as I do? Okay I might know a bit more.
[ He has memories of so much more, but not the experience with so many things. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If it is, trust that I've not learned my lesson and you should try harder.
[ It feels almost normal to make a joke like that, even as he still tries to cope with what he's facing. ]
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shit I'm sorry
Not what I meant to send. Obviously. Not that I mean to send anything.
I didn't think they would let you have your device in jail...
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[ Jokes and smiles are the only thing keeping him through this. Or at least he's trying. ]
I think they did so I could keep in contact with my submissives. They're concerned about my care for them.
[He can't bring himself to hide things. They've proven there's no point in that. ]
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Can I ask? About the video?
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Did he do something to you? Was he cruel to someone else? What did he do to deserve that?
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I was sirebound and new and the city ordered us apart. I freaked out. I broke. He, my sire, had already done things to leave me shattered and I just broke. My entire system basically shut down. All emotions gone. I couldn't remember why I should care. It is still horrific to think about.
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Rowan's been well-trained, though. He doesn't really think Kyle was meant for this, not like Rowan is. ]
so this is a vampire thing.
you were made. and then you did what vampires do.
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No one deserves to be treated like that. I regret my actions and I'll be doing what I can so it never happens again.
[ Those messages come fairly quickly. There's a break before the last one. ]
Thank you for asking though. I wish I had a better answer.
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[ He doesn't judge, though he does worry now that Kyle will break again. He needs to be taken care of, stopped but not in the way that Rowan knows. He needs someone else. ]
It's an answer that makes sense to me. sorta. so it's fine.
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[ And he's working on that. Reaching back out to old friends he had closed himself off from, making new friends, letting himself care though he had at one time been determined not to do it at all. ]
Which I know is all about showing not telling.
I'm glad it makes sense to you though.
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I don't pretend to understand all about vampires but I get what you're saying at least.
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You probably know about as much as I do? Okay I might know a bit more.
[ He has memories of so much more, but not the experience with so many things. ]