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Okay. So I had heard about that. When I was having my own little... meltdown.

[ Because Michael had mentioned it might be part of why Nick had left. But Kyle had been too pained to think about that and worry about why. ]

Okay. I'm going to start with a few things.

[ He's still confused on some things but as they get closer, he feels tension easing. He needed that contact, leaning into the press of Nick's lips on his brow as he closes his eyes for a minute. Just savoring that.

His thumb brushes against Nick's hand and he fights not to pull Nick into his lap. Not that he doesn't close the gaps between him that he can, his leg sliding over Nick's. ]

Have you both talked about what happened that day? About what you've been through, and what he's been through? Especially now that he's important to you, I really hope you've talked about what you've been through.

Not as much as we should I guess, but we've talked about it more than I probably have with anyone else.

( in truth, he'd like to dress it up a little more. making it sound like nick and logan are perfectly healthy individuals and the past is just a matter of circumstance, because he knows kyle is worried. he can feel the tension there still, and this is part of what he'd been trying to avoid.

but lying has just made things worst in the past, and he said he was going to do better. getting caught out in a stupid lie and turning it into a reason to break up is what the old nick would have done. he's trying to be better than that. )

We've talked about...a lot. Enough. He's not a bad guy, I wouldn't bother with him if he was. But like...it's okay if you don't get it, or you think it's a bad idea. I don't expect you to just understand, I sometimes don't still.

I won't tell you that I understand. I won't lie to you and tell me I'm not scared either.

[ Normally he would hide all of this out of fear but he can't hold on to Nick by hiding how he feels. He did that and had nearly lost him. If he wants their side of things to healthy, they both have things they have to work on. ]

I also know what happened on that video was no more his choice than it was yours. I can't say that makes me okay with things, but I don't see him as a bad guy for things he had no control over. Okay?

I just... I worry about you. While I think I'm the best decision you've ever made? Sometimes... Your decisions aren't the best.

Okay.

( nick worms his way closer as best as he can, winding an arm around kyle's waist and dropping his head onto the other man's shoulder. nick is always very physical, but these sorts of moments seem to demand it more than ever.

he stays close and it brings with it more relief. especially after the way things had gone with ragnor, nick had been catastrophising this conversation with kyle. kyle wasn't a fighter but nick would picture it anyway, play out vicious barbs and loud dismissals for no reason other than his own anxieties. )

That's fair. It's not like it would be the first time I made a self-destructive choice and got in my feelings about it. ( he pauses ) It's not like....I don't want to date him. That's not why I'm telling you.

[ That's all the encouragement he needs. Shifting to press himself back against the headboard, he moves to draw Nick into his arms and basically hauls him up onto his lap.

Keeping Nick close to him, stroking his hand along his back as he leans in and presses soft kisses to his shoulder. No matter how scared he is about what could happen to Nick, he knows he can't forbid him to see Logan. It would be the quickest way to drive him away.

Not that it doesn't go through his mind for a moment. He remembers Nick in those moments, how much it had affected him. How could he not be worried about him? ]

I... I can't say I'm not glad to hear that. I was kind of worried when you said you wanted to talk about all the scenarios that were you... changing your mind.

You have to know that Ragnor is upset because he cares about you, right? Because he's seen what you've been through. I can't blame him for that either. It's an imagine I bet he can't ever get out of his head and when you care about someone and you've seen that, it's hard.

Have you... are you going to talk to Michael?

That's why I didn't want you to watch it, you know. I didn't want you to have that image of me.

( nick settles into position in kyle's lap, easily, like it's becoming second nature. it takes no thought at all to brush his fingers through the front of kyle's hair, tugging idly at the short strands as he leans in to duck a quick kiss to his lips. just to punctuate the conversation. )

I'm like, all in on you. Okay? There's not— even if there's other people, other feelings, they're not going to replace you, or us. No one could. That hasn't changed.

( it's a nicer thing to talk about than michael, who was— more supportive than nick had expected, but he thinks that was probably more to do with michael walking in on nick right after the fight, still trying to recover. )

Michael heard the fight with Ragnor. We sort of talked about it then. I don't think he likes it, but...

Nick, I want you to know something. I would never judge you by something this place makes you do. I've been judged for what I thought were my choices, never given a real chance to defend myself, and I know what it's like.

[He strokes his fingers along Nick's jaw, leaning in and kissing him tenderly. ]

I would not do that to you, and I'm going to try and see Logan through your opinion of him too. Okay? Based on what he does with you now, not what he did that day. I mean, people could judge me on our video as well. I know some did.

[ Both for Nick being in it, as well as because of Michael and Kyle as well. He accepts that though, and accepted their place in things, in their relationship as a whole. So he had to accept Logan in that way until he saw reasons to do otherwise.

He smiles softly at that reassurance, stroking his fingers down along Nick's throat. ]

I like hearing that. We've both known that there are others and you know how I feel about you and what you mean to me. I've seen you with others at the car wash, and at the Clockhouse before...

[ He sighs. Losing that had been sad. It had been a part of their story, after all. ]

And both times I knew one thing. You're mine.

[ He has his nervousness about losing Nick, both by this place tearing them apart and Nick not being able to handle things between them. He knows that, but he also knows he's here with him, and Nick is saying that and it means everything to him. ]

( something a little like tension he hadn't known he was holding unknots. it's not like he had ever expected kyle to demand that nick chooses, that's not what they've ever been like, but he's worried about it all the same. more than he'd realised.

he winds himself into kyle, an arm looped around his neck and the other hand wrapping loosely around his wrist. he nudges kyle's hand a little more securely around nick's throat. for no particular reason other than because he likes the feel of it. )

This...me and you? It's different. I don't want what we have with anyone else. Sex, feelings, it's whatever. It doesn't change that I'm yours.

( for someone with well documented commitment issues he sure does like the sound of that, you're mine, without the bells and whistles of whatever little game they're playing. just the simple statement. nick's commitment issues are sky high and well documented, but he doesn't want to run now.

he doesn't want to ask the question that's still tugging at his thoughts either, but he does anyway. he hadn't expected kyle to get angry about it either, but his realistic understanding of the man in his arms only does so much to dissuade knee jerk fears. he doesn't think that kyle is angry, but he wants to hear him say it anyway. )

You're not mad at me?

[ Hearing Nick say that is everything Kyle needs to hear. To hear that Nick believes it too, and they've come this far and it feels so good. Smiling as his fingers slide to settle around Nick's throat, pressing the heel of his hand against the center of his throat. Not pushing, not hard, but flexing his fingers against his throat. ]

What we have is us, and nothing else touches that. I get that. We have our things, our other people, but there's nothing I have that is like what I have with you.

[ He instantly shakes his head, though he knows that can't be all of it. ]

I'm not mad at you. I am scared, okay? For the reasons I'm Ragnor was, and Michael is. You have tastes that could get you in trouble. [ And to highlight that he does tighten his grip against his throat. ] So I worry about you with someone that did horrible things to you and others. But... you're sitting on my lap and I've done horrible things too. So I don't know if I can judge you. Just worry about you.

I know. I get it, I do.

( or at least he thinks he does. it's hard not to read it as people not trusting his decisions sometimes, but then—

nick's decisions haven't exactly given people much cause to trust them lately, either, so maybe he deserves that. he rubs his thumb over the back of kyle's hand, pressing it forward just enough that he feels the pressure when he swallows. he sighs, leans forward and presses a quick kiss on kyle's lips. )

You don't need to worry about him. For any reason. He, um— ( the corner of his mouth tugs up into half a smile, and he rests his forehead against kyle's, eyes closing. ) When I...left, you know. He told me to come talk to you, fix things. He's a good guy, I swear. He's not the things he's done. Just like I know you're not.

[ They're skirting lines here. Playing games while having a hard discussion. Kyle thinks this is a good thing for them. It lets them focus on other things than the hard things they're talking about.

His fingers flex and he can feel his body responding, but he wants to finish this talk first. He needs Nick to know how he feels. ]

So he's got good taste. Least there's that.

[ Smiling as he rests his brow to Nick's, gripping his throat tightly, wanting to give Nick all he wants. ]

So long as he treats you well and gives you what you want, then he's a good guy. I trust you. I'm putting faith in you. Just know I have a thousand years of training guidelines in how to be the monster I technically can be.

[ He doesn't want to be that monster, but for Nick (and a few others) he knows he can be. ]

( it's not like he'd been deliberately angling to lead them there, so much as once it starts happening, it's hard to pull his focus anywhere else. it is an important conversation, it is one they needed to have, it's just—

well. he really likes the weight of kyle's hand on his throat, too.

he tries not to look so pleased about it though — tries not to look too pleased about the idea of kyle throwing threats around for him either. he doesn't want there to be violence anywhere, and he definitely doesn't want kyle put in the position of having to choose to be 'that monster'. but it's the possessiveness, again, the protectiveness, the claim staking that nick has always liked. now he's just better about admitting it. )

I think that's something you can both agree on.

( on all of it, actually. the taste. the faith. the violent protectiveness. never let it be said that nick doesn't have a type. he grins though, leaning in for another kiss, and this time he lingers. stays there even as he speaks again, a quiet murmur against his lips as he squeezes kyle's hand around his throat again. )

Are we done talking now?

[ Just getting to wake up like this is perfect. Nick in his arms, talking about serious things but knowing how easily things can turn.

Which is why he gathers Nick up to him, shifting to roll them over easily and laying him back against the mattress. The whole time his hand is on Nick's throat, staring down at him as he flexes his fingers. ]

More teeth? Is that what you really want?

[ Shifting his weight as his leg pushes between Nick's. ]

Or do you want me fuck you until you pass out and wake you up with a bite.

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I knew I had tagged this, then tagged it to the wrong thread. Sorry