drmcsexy | For thenewnormal, post 1x13

Alex slammed on the brakes, turning to look at Kyle. "Stop, okay? Just stop. It's done, you were an idiot, but you weren't the only idiot back then. I did some awful things, too." Like run away from something that had felt right. He'd kept running even after ten years and at least Kyle had admitted he was wrong.

"Let's make a deal that that will be the last time you apologize for being a dick in high school." He paused and added, "Otherwise, you'll start a backlog for when you fuck up from here on out." If he'd felt like smiling, that would have been when he smiled, but the smile was in his voice.

"Okay? Besides, it's not like it would have changed all that much. I ran away after Michael's hand got broken when I should have stayed and done...something."

He turned to make sure Kyle knew he meant it.

He's had no sleep, and while not as much stress as Alex and the others, everything that Kyle has gone through in the last twenty-four hours from talking to Liz about Rosa to everything about the gun and Jesse and Alex hitting the brakes like that sends his stomach dropping.

And pain through his shoulder as the seatbelt locks and presses hard against the bruise, or whatever it is that he's still telling himself is a bruise. It hurts like hell, whatever it is.

Clutching at the door, his hand on the dash, and for a minute panicking that something is wrong, something else has happened, and someone else is trying to kill someone.

Staying very still as Alex talks, even as he draws his arms back, sitting up straight and facing him. Nodding, as he exhales slowly, trying not to let it sound like a sigh.

"It's done," he agrees with a nod. He wants to argue though that maybe he wouldn't have gone into the military. Maybe he'd have come up to Michigan, gone to college there and they could have caused trouble together. At the very least Alex would have had someone to talk to. Instead they had all bailed on this town and tried to pretend they weren't broken. And sometimes they still pretended because it's easier.

"Also, can we leave sudden movements behind for a few days or I'm going to puke if you do that again." It's a crap joke but it's easier than giving into the bile in his throat. "Not to mention wounded here," he quips, smirking as he says it. Yep, everything is fine. Not broken at all.

Alex searched Kyle's face and he didn't like what he saw. He'd seen the same thing in the men and women around him when he'd been overseas and it twisted something in his chest to see it in Kyle's expression now. He'd been in such a rush to go find Michael, to figure out what was going on, that he'd hurried right past the part where he'd checked over Kyle to make sure he was alive. Physically, he was mostly just bruised and that's what Alex had worried about.

But there was more to it than just the physical bruise. The bruise didn't cause the whiteness in Kyle's face or the ways his eyes darted around to assess the situation. Alex pressed his lips together and wondered whether anyone would care if he shot his own father.

"I won't," he promised.

He continued forward slowly, continuing to glance at Kyle out of the corner of his eye. He'd been too lost in his own crap to be worried about more than the physical, but he was worried now.

"I should have known he wouldn't stay away," he muttered softly. Especially since they'd destroyed something that must have been precious. He couldn't help but wonder if that was one of the things his father had squirreled away or whether the government knew about the prisoners that had been held there.

He hates feeling this way. Ever since the panic attack in the gun shop last night - fuck it hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet - ever since then he's felt on edge in a way he's just never experienced. Not even on his fifth night on ER duty pulling down a double... after a double with just sleep on an empty bed between calls. That was paranoia. This is knowing they are out to get you.

"Cool, then let's get back to trying to find your wayward... Guerin," he says, knowing he's still being a dick about that, but hey. If he acts normal then it's all fine, right? Fake it until you don't break until a million pieces? Okay, he's pretty sure that's not it but still.

"You shouldn't have to worry about your dad trying to kill people," he shoots back, not wanting Alex to blame himself. "It shouldn't even have to be your job," he mutters, settling back in the seat, staring out the windshield again and not looking at Alex. Especially not as he says this.

"I couldn't... I should have, and I know it, but I couldn't..." He can't even say it. Shit, he feels so fucking weak on this, but he didn't spend all that time actually reevaluating himself as a person to just destroy people like he used to with words and actions.

Except he swore to protect others, and he isn't if Jesse leaves that hospital.

"Given he's under a doctor's care, most investigations would be minimal if he were to not wake up at some point."

He can't believe he's talking about this, and he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly to try and stay calm and not let that same heart racing, sick as fuck panic take over once more.

"Especially if whatever family member is in charge of his care didn't ask for one."

He'd been putting a lot of things off about this conversation in favor of focusing on the task at hand: finding Michael or Max or Isobel or even Liz at this point and finding out what had happened. But it was starting to become apparent that while Alex could compartmentalize (hide, a part of him said), Kyle was having trouble.

Alex took one hand off the wheel and squeezed Kyle's shoulder gently.

"You're not alone, I promise. Whatever comes your way, especially when it comes to my father, we'll deal with it. You're being a lot kinder to him than anyone else would be and miles away than he would be to you." Given that his father had tried to...

Horror twisted in his stomach and he didn't finish the thought. Just when he and Kyle were getting back to something, just when they were becoming friends again. It was another thing his father had tried to take from him and there would be a reckoning.

"If I have to take it out of your hands so you can sleep easy, I will." Because he'd done as bad or worse over the years.

Until recently, Kyle's life has been fairly good. Sure he didn't become the football star he'd thought about, but he became a better person. He's happy, and he's worked hard for it. He's not had to deal with family secrets revealed, endangered aliens, and death threats. He lost a sister before he ever knew he had her. His father tortured others for being different. So many were suddenly dead, and others dead because of things his father and Alex's hid for so many years. It's painful before he had gone through the last twenty-four hours. He has no idea how to hide it, to pretend he's fine.

Even if he's starting to suspect he's going to need to learn and quickly.

"I didn't become a doctor to shoot someone," he says in a low voice, though he glances at Alex when that touch comes, just starting at him for the longest time. "This is why I told you what I did. You are brave, and strong. I'm just doing whatever I have to just because I have no other choice."

Which isn't true. It's because he'll do whatever he has to for his friends, for those that are really his family even if not by blood. And for those they care about as well. And he'll keep pushing though because they need him to, even if he hasn't had a chance to slow down, to think about his sister, and his dad, and everything else that he's trying to ignore so they can find the others. That's more important than everything he's not thinking about, and he keeps telling himself that.

"We've got time to decide what to do about him,' he says in a low voice. "I don't know if I can ask you to do something I'm not willing to do. If things go to Hell, I can't have you going to prison because of him." He'd rather he be the one to do it, if he had to.

"Though let's be honest, I'm really too goddamn good looking for prison," he says, trying to pull himself together, if only because he can't be another burden that Alex is dealing with. He won't have him having to carry him.

"I'll figure something out. Thank you though." As if it's on him now, and as Jesse is his patient, he feels it is.

Alex snorted a laugh. That was something he admired about Kyle. His ability to put an absurd spin on even the most serious subjects, just injecting a little bit of humor to make the terrible seem not as bad.

"You are. You'd be someone's bitch within the first half hour." And...okay. That was enough of thinking about Kyle bending over and taking it. His love life was complicated enough and his relationship with Kyle maybe even moreso. He didn't want to screw this up the way he had all those years ago.

He pulled his hand back to put on the wheel and shook his head. "You're wrong, though. I'm not brave. I just put on a good act." Maybe he had his moments, but they never seemed to last long. If he'd been brave, he would have told his father to go to hell at the drive-in. If he'd been brave, he would have stayed on that tailgate and to hell with the rest of the world.

He sighed as he pulled into the parking lot at the Wild Pony.

"Someone had better be here," he said and got out before Kyle could respond to his 'I'm not brave' comment. He knew why people always thought he was brave. His leg was a very clear comment about why they thought that. But he knew they were wrong and he didn't need Kyle's platitudes or to go into detail about why Kyle was wrong.

Not that the quiet would last long because Kyle was probably right behind him. He headed for the door, opening it quickly so that maybe he could get into a conversation with Maria before Kyle could call him on what he'd said and froze.

Michael. There he was, like he didn't have a care in the world or had made any promises to be anywhere. And... His heart twisted and tears sprang to his eyes when he actually took in what he was seeing. Michael was playing the guitar. To Maria.

He shut the door quietly and backed up, smacking into a warm chest.

"Michael's fine, which means that Max and Isobel are going to be." Because there was no way that he was going to serenade Maria without his family being safe. He stumbled away from Kyle and headed back to the car. "Where can I drop you? I have a date with..." Michael. He had a date with Michael which Michael was clearly not keeping. And he couldn't drink his pain away at the Wild Pony like he usually might.

"Saturn's Ring," he finally said and yes, it was a tourist joint, but maybe that was for the best. He wouldn't be recognized there. No one would question why he was having a mid-afternoon bender."

This was not the time to think about Alex talking about making Kyle his bitch, which is not what Alex said and yet that is the image that goes through his head, leaving him trying to catch his breath and focus on anything but that.

So he lets Alex get out of the vehicle and head for the bar, ending up a few steps behind Alex as they head into the bar.

Or don't head into the bar as it ends up, Alex backing up into him and closing the door.

"What the hell, Ma..." He stops, blinking at him in shock. "Uhmmm, okay? I mean, are you sure? We could just..." He glances towards the door and then back to Alex. Maria's car is in the parking lot, and Alex is acting all panicked and weird and... Kyle glances back towards the door and then to Alex.

Oh. Oh no. After all of this, they couldn't...

Except he's looking at Alex who says he's going to that overdone tourist trap and definitely it's just about as bad inside that door as Kyle is imagining. Okay maybe not as bad as he's imagining, but worse for Alex. Less nudity, way more intimacy.

"Huh. You know, that's funny, because that's exactly where I was going to ask you to drop me off at. Anywhere that has that much alcohol is perfect right now. You know, if you want, I can drive," he says, heading for the car.

Alex shook his head. "You don't have to, Kyle. Michael's inside if you want to go ask him where everyone else is." He didn't think he could face the two of them. And maybe it wasn't anything, but it looked like something. It looked as if Michael had his hand back. Clearly near-death wasn't the only thing Max could heal. And he'd chosen to play for someone for the first time in years.

He'd chosen to play for Maria.

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and he thought that maybe the better idea was to grab a few bottles of something and head home. He couldn't do any damage out there and it wasn't like Michael was looking for him. He'd probably even forgotten that he'd made a plan to meet up.

"And we both know that you wouldn't step inside that tourist shack if someone paid you." Which...it meant a lot that Kyle was willing to go for him. But he wasn't likely to be the best company. He was just planning on drinking until he was sick and then having whoever the bartender was call him a cab.

"The truth? I'm not here for Guerin. I'm here to help you." And to not be alone, to not be alone with his thoughts, and his fears, and his pain. Being out with Alex has helped him to calm down and try and find center, to be as relaxed as he can be. Not that anything is very relaxing right now.

"Then give me your keys," he says, stepping in close to Alex and holding out his hand. "And we'll go back to my place. I've got some bottles there, or we can stop on the way. We've talked all morning about needing a drink, and I don't think either of us really needs to be drinking alone," he says, because it's true. As much as he knows it's more for Alex right now, he's not sure he could go home and start drinking and stop at any point.

"At least they way we can both make sure the other doesn't end up face down in their own puke." Or he can have a few drinks, and let Alex get as wasted as he needs to. It's been easy to wallow in his own fears right until someone else needs his help, let's him care for them. It lets him have the focus he needs to pull himself together. At least for now.

There was a brief flicker of a smile and a bleak expression on Alex's face at that comment. What he wouldn't give for Michael to be the one saying that. Yes, Alex had made mistakes. Plenty of mistakes. But he'd thought they were getting to a better place.

And now...

He pressed the keys into Kyle's hand. "My place. No one really knows where I am. Except for random people trying to break in because they think they still own it."

Another flicker of a smile and he headed for the passenger's side. "We'll have to stop for something on the way out." Because he wasn't too keen on having a lot of alcohol in the house. Too much temptation some days and if he was in that kind of mood, he'd prefer to be at the Wild Pony with friends who could keep him in check.

Which wasn't an option. Might not be an option for a while.

"I am entirely not random, thank you very much," he says, heading for the driver's seat. "And not my fault you and my father snuck around," he teases, getting in behind the wheel, glancing at Alex. "Even if I'm glad he did, though I wasn't wrong about finding answers there. Just saying."

Nodding at the comment about needing to stop, pulling out and heading for the package store. The silence feels tense, heavier than it's been all morning and that's saying something when they'd been searching for answers about friends possibly being dead. He's not sure what to say though, or even if there's anything that can be said to help.

"Have you eaten at all? Do I have that talk about drinking on an empty stomach?" Trying to make it sound like a joke, teasing, and hypocritical as hell given he hasn't eaten either.

"You're absolutely random," Alex muttered, mostly for osmething else to say. He did make a bit of a face at the mention of Alex and Kyle's father sneaking around. Sure, it wasn't like that, but after finding out that Kyle was actually Rosa's half-brother, it was a little weird to hear.

"Fine," he said when Kyle mentioned food. "Stop for fast food, too. Unless you want me to make omelets or something."

Except he didn't really want to stop drinking long enough to cook. He was willing to eat while he was drinking. So if Kyle wanted him to have food, they'd have to get it before the alcohol.

Despite the fact that Kyle has been nearly out of it all morning, now that he has a focus and someone to care for, he's pulling himself together. It's why he's good at what he does, at the life he chose for himself, and it's showing now.

"Naw, we'll stop for food. You definitely don't have to do anything once we get back to the cabin," he says, thinking about his route for a minute and then heading to the package store first. "You can stay in the car if you want. Do you want anything in particular?"

Maybe it's not what Alex needs this minute but until they get home and Kyle can start pouring drinks, it's the best thing he can offer. Just to be there for Alex. Just getting through both stops and getting them away from everyone else and let him just try and forget for a minute.

Alex shook his head. "You were the one who was shot and now you're the one taking care of me." He... He'd only had his heart shattered. Only. "I'll come in with you." And they'd pick out a handful of bottles of alcohol and figure out food and then they would go home and drink until he didn't care that Michael had chosen Maria over him. That he wouldn't care that he hadn't seen it coming because he'd taken Maria at her word.

But he could hold up under a little emotional strain and it wasn't fair of him to make Kyle take up the slack, not in his condition. So they'd do it together. And then get completely plastered together.

It wasn't long before they had all the things they needed and were heading home. And still Alex couldn't keep from seeing Michael playing the guitar. Needless to say, he'd been quiet for most of the drive.

"Technically I got hit with a fastball from about ninety paces. I'll survive," he says, dismissing it as if that is all that matters. And in Kyle's mind, in that moment, it is all that matters.

So he gets the alcohol, and gets them food, and heads out to the cabin. To his credit, Kyle doesn't try and make small talk, doesn't ask about whatever it is Alex has seen. Just getting him back to the cabin and grabbing their bags to head inside.

"Anything you need me to do before we start pouring drinks?"

So far, Kyle hadn't mentioned what had happened at the Wild Pony. Alex knew his luck wasn't going to last. Especially if he got drunk because then he'd be more than willing to spill his guts. But he would have to get drunk first. So he shook his head.

"I'm good." He started to unpack the food while Kyle poured the drinks.

Of course, not talking about what he'd seen didn't mean he wasn't thinking about it. Obsessively. He and Michael weren't together so, realistically, he couldn't be upset at him. But it still hurt because he thought they were going to have a conversation that maybe changed that. He'd been fighting his father's battles and here was one of his own he could fight.

And instead, Michael had chosen someone else, something else.

Going into the kitchen, moving easily about the cabin as if this is their childhood trips up here and not their entire world changing again. Maybe it's how life always is, but lately it's been inundating Kyle with changes he just has no idea how to cope with. So he's not. It's easier to focus on Liz, and Isobel, and Alex, and aliens than it is to focus on how all of that changes his life, or that there's still a man out there in a coma that tried to kill him.

Nope, instead he gets glasses and ice and comes in and sets it all on the table above that hidden room where his sister was supposed to get clean.

"So are we even pretending this isn't daydrinking to get wasted?" And even as he asks, he pours them both a double on the rocks making it clear he's definitely not pretending.

Alex took the drink when Kyle handed it to him and poured it down his throat like it was nothing, even if he grimaced a little at the burn. That would go away soon enough and all he would be left with was something numb. He couldn't even say pleasantly.

"This is daydrinking to forget that Michael chose Maria. And that she let him." And maybe they hadn't been having sex on the bar, but he knew what playing the guitar meant to Michael and he'd seen the smile on Maria's face. He didn't have to paint-by-numbers to figure out that Michael had made some decision that didn't include Alex.

He let Kyle decide whether how fast they were going to get drunk and rummaged around in the bags of takeout they'd gotten. He could have cooked and it might have busied his hands, but he was as likely to throw a plate against the wall. He just wanted to forget the outside world for a night.

"Oh, that reminds me," he said, "give me your phone. Unless you want to be reachable."

Well, at least Alex is going to put it out there on the table. Fair enough then. For Kyle it isn't as much about knowing the detail but in having an idea of how to handle this for Alex until he gets drunk enough the pain hurts less.

Leaning forward to fill Alex's glass again, thinking about how he'd like to have it out with both of them, though he's fairly certain at this moment especially both of them would probably kick his ass. Hell, they raised their voices and he'd probably flinch. Fuck. So much for helping beyond enabling alcoholic tendencies.

"I know this is going to sound like a dumb fucking question but there's no way you got things wrong? That it's way more innocent than it sounds?"

Even as he asks, he holds his phone out to Alex, frowning slightly. "You're not going to throw it in a fit of anger, are you?"

"I have my own phone for that." Instead, he headed into the other room and came back with a small kit. He set about removing the SIM card - easy enough - and the battery - just a little harder - while he answered Kyle's question.

"I suppose I should mention that they slept together. Recently. Maria said it didn't mean anything. That it was a one-night-stand kind of deal. But Michael was in there playing a guitar for her and that was not a one-night-stand kind of thing. Especially when the two of us were supposed to be talking."

Which meant that it wasn't like Michael had had more important things to do.

"And playing, for him, it's kind of special. So yeah, it was G-rated, but it wasn't innocent."

He put Kyle's phone and his down, putting their respective SIM cards and batteries on top of the cases.

"There. Now we're about as off the grid as we're going to get."

"They..." He stops at that, considering what he's known, how long he's realized Alex was hot for someone involved in all of this, and figuring out it was Guerin hadn't been that hard. So... Had she known? But then, hell, Max had all but dropped to his knees and begged Liz to walk all over him in heels so, maybe not everyone backed off if they were with someone else.

Though after that image in his head early, would he now?

It's a thought he never though he would have, frowning as he picked up his glass and downed it, pouring himself another.

"Wait, wait, hold up." He makes a face, canting his head and peering at Alex. "I thought with how his hand is all messed up... Could he even?" Because he's seen the damage, could guess just how much it would inhibit him, and he's pretty sure the tendons and muscles wouldn't be able to do that.

"They know you live out here? If so, you might want to move your vehicle out back so they can't see it from down the lane," he says, just playing into this, though he guesses if he thinks about it... He almost laughs.

"My friend is a spy. I never thought of it that way," he says, shaking his head. "Aliens and spies and killers, oh my." Yeah, he is just barely holding onto sanity in many ways. Sorry, Alex.

"You were the one who told me that Max saved Liz's life. I can only imagine that he had something to do with Michael's hand. I just can't figure out why he did it now." Or back when they could have played it off as him healing naturally. But he wasn't sure he'd ever really known how Guerin thought.

"No one knows where I live. No one but you." Not that he thought his brothers were going to come looking for them. Not yet. But it was better to be on the safe side and it had the side benefit of meaning that none of the Guerin-Evanses could reach either him or Kyle. It would mean a night free of any expectations and he could already feel his shoulders start to relax.

"Aliens and spies and killers and doctors, oh my," Alex retorted.

"And yeah. They." And god, now that his hands had stopped their busy manipulations, he was thinking about it again.

Kyle sits back, holding his glass in both hands and considering that. Considering that if Max could do that, why didn't he do it sooner? Why not do it ten years ago instead of leaving Guerin to suffer all this time? He can understand why Alex is wondering that, because if he could heal people like that? He'd blow his own secret day one.

"Maybe something else happened and he had to fix that and it fixed the whole hand? If he hurt his hand again maybe?"

He snorts at that but looks a bit relieved. "The one positive to my father keeping secrets then, I guess." And with that he takes a drink, still adjusting to how his world looks now. The full range of the secrets his father kept. That an attempt was made on his life. Aliens on their own seemed almost normal now, even if he had willingly accepted it all rather than be that asshole that just dismissed the possibility.

He wanted that surprising possibility back over everything else it came with.

He lifts his glass in toast at that. "Hey, all those years in medical school are paying off in this. Football wouldn't have done me jackshit." Not that he's ever regretted it before, but he likes seeing the time and changes he's made pay off.

"So... I told Liz about Rosa," he says, because this house is making him think about it, and it is important to him and better for him to focus on than the rest. "You know, while I stitched up my ex girlfriend using her mother's sewing thread."

He picked up his glass and was a little more methodical about this one. There was getting drunk and there was ruining his liver. He started to sip slowly, but then Kyle raised his hand in a toast, and Alex snorted when he realized exactly what Kyle was toasting to. He took a longer sip.

"I'm not sure football did anything but turn you into a bit of a jackass. Well, that and give you abs." And oh, those abs. He definitely remembered having a bit of a lust/hate relationship with those abs. They belonged to the asshole who'd turned his life upside down because he'd lost the one person he thought he could trust. But then they were also so lickable.

He took another long sip. Maybe his liver could survive a little heavy drinking.

"What even is our lives? My ex is an alien. Your ex's sister is also your sister. It sounds like an episode of General Hospital or something." Not that there were ever aliens in that show. ...he didn't think.

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