you lost control. as all fledglings do, at least once
you cannot simply stay inside. this problem will not get better if you do not learn to manage your urges we all need to do it. you can mourn the loss of him. you cannot let that prevent you from learning.
i wouldn't have if they hadn't taken everything from me.
seriously rafa, why not? do you think i haven't learned? i remember what i did and who i hurt and how i left marcus for dead and i won't ever forget that. ever.
you have been a vampire for months not years certainly not centuries.
so yes, kyle, i believe you have not yet learned. i believe you feel guilt, i believe you are sorry but those things will not be enough for you to control yourself in future. control is not guilt have you fed since you attacked marcus?
More than I should have. I hurt others. I just didn't kill them. Just the one person I swore to protect.
I'm not going to not have blood, Rafa. I can get bagged. It's what I've mostly had since I washed up on the shore. If I'm not around others there won't be temptation. There's no point in me being around others anyway.
you need to be around others, or you will never control that feeling and yes, you need to feed safely, so that your thirst is under control. but if you cannot integrate with society, you will suffer in other ways
he holds himself apart thinks himself a monster for what he is but in so doing, he has never learned to feed without killing, and so his fears make him the very thing he is afraid of
i do not think that you deserve to suffer. that is a harmful thought no one should suffer without need. guilt will eat away at you if you let it.
most recently? whatever it is that meant i didn't deserve the love i had. i can accept i'm not meant for that though. what we do reflects back on us and i haven't been good to others.
that's possible. i hardly left the house in the time we were together to honor the vows we made to one another. and I didn't. not for six months but for the one time i had no choice.
perhaps they thought that was not a good arrangement
not that there is any reason why they should involve themselves at all, but then we are speaking of people who have kidnapped us from our homes to use us in a sex experiment their standards are likely to be different
[ And thus, Rafa is very glad that he and Ignacio have never attempted to practice monogamy. Truly, all problems can be traced back to that foolish idea. ]
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as all fledglings do, at least once
you cannot simply stay inside. this problem will not get better if you do not learn to manage your urges
we all need to do it. you can mourn the loss of him. you cannot let that prevent you from learning.
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seriously rafa, why not? do you think i haven't learned? i remember what i did and who i hurt and how i left marcus for dead and i won't ever forget that. ever.
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not years
certainly not centuries.
so yes, kyle, i believe you have not yet learned. i believe you feel guilt, i believe you are sorry
but those things will not be enough for you to control yourself in future. control is not guilt
have you fed since you attacked marcus?
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I'm not going to not have blood, Rafa. I can get bagged. It's what I've mostly had since I washed up on the shore. If I'm not around others there won't be temptation. There's no point in me being around others anyway.
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there is always temptation.
you need to be around others, or you will never control that feeling
and yes, you need to feed safely, so that your thirst is under control. but if you cannot integrate with society, you will suffer in other ways
only look at my louis for proof of that.
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Maybe I deserve to suffer for all I've hurt. Even before I lost control. I accept that.
What happened to Louis, Rafa?
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thinks himself a monster for what he is
but in so doing, he has never learned to feed without killing, and so his fears make him the very thing he is afraid of
i do not think that you deserve to suffer. that is a harmful thought
no one should suffer without need. guilt will eat away at you if you let it.
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i'm a doctor. i just need volunteers to let me draw blood.
i just need to understand things.
what i've done wrong, and what i accepted when i shouldn't.
i don't remember who i even am, rafa.
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what is it that you think you have done wrong?
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i can accept i'm not meant for that though. what we do reflects back on us and i haven't been good to others.
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perhaps you were too happy. too settled. not reaching out enough
or perhaps you are right and this is a punishment. but i think that may be your guilt talking, more than anything else
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not that there is any reason why they should involve themselves at all, but then we are speaking of people who have kidnapped us from our homes to use us in a sex experiment
their standards are likely to be different
[ And thus, Rafa is very glad that he and Ignacio have never attempted to practice monogamy. Truly, all problems can be traced back to that foolish idea. ]
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All I know is I've learned things and I just need to work through some things.
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i am still so very sorry for what you have lost. that is not how it ought to be
but since it is, i will do all that i can to support you.
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Thank you though. I not only appreciate that, Rafa, I know I need it.
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a life like ours is unbearable if lived alone.
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[He has Michael and Liz, Margo and Rafa. He has Cain for the time he stays.]
I'm just not sure about romance. Not yet. Not until I get my head on straight.