We're going to do our best for one another, Maria.
I couldn't have promised you that in Roswell either, but I know the same thing here as I did there. We're going to take care of one another the best we can.
I'm sorry I can't promise more than that but I won't lie to you either.
No matter what you do, how ironclad your contract is, how much you have going with you to protect them... there's nothing you can do.
But it doesn't stop you from feeling responsible and guilty for what you couldn't do for them.
Before I was ever even a vampire, I jumped guards for trying to hurt my first sub. Spent my day being beaten while being told what was happening to her and nothing I could do for her.
I would take any abuse to protect them and I can't. Not always.
I'm not going to pretend you're not right, Maria. We don't know how bad it can be, but you're not alone. Okay?
You have something. You have me and Michael and Alex and Liz. We are going to do the best we can to take care of one another, no matter what happens.
I would rather it be me than some sweet guy like Nick. Or Michael who has already been through hell and back. Same with Manes. I hate that any of you are here and dealing with this, and I just want to do all I can.
What can I do for you?
[ He feels like he's getting somewhere with Nick, just giving him other things to focus on and it's taking him everything not to look at the network. If it wasn't for texting Maria, his device would likely be in the ocean even if he knows that won't last. Whatever he can do for others though it means not thinking harder on why he's trying to be there for them. ]
[ This is why Maria passed over the fact that Kyle's killed someone, or at least tucked it away for discussion later. He's being so selfless, so honestly concerned for the well-being of others and not himself. She wouldn't have believed the change in him from high school bully to caring doctor if she hadn't seen it from afar, and now it's hard to believe that he would do anything but care.
But they all have their secrets and their dark corners, don't they? ]
You're letting me freak out over text at you while I wait for Michael to come over. I think you're good on the helping me front.
For the record, I don't want it to be you, either. Nick looks like a kid and there's no denying Michael and Alex have been through shit. But that doesn't mean you should draw the short straw. None of us should.
All you can do sometimes is pick up the pieces after the fact. Like you are with Nick. And that's good.
[ He knows one day they'll have to talk about it. All of it. His time here. The things he's done. And Cain's death. All of it. One day. ]
I'm glad he's on his way. I've been texting him as well while I'm talking to Nick.
No, none of us should have to deal with this but this place doesn't care. So if I can do something for any of you, I will. I just want to take care of who I can of those I think of as my people.
Sorry, Deluca, you're one of them.
It's what I'm going to do. It just breaks my heart that anyone could hurt him. The city not the others hurt as well.
Oh no, poor me. Watched over by a Valenti. It's not like you've got a protective streak in your blood.
I know it hurts. And I know how helpless you must feel right now, because it wasn't in your power to stop it or to bring justice against those that did it. But like you said you do what you can to take care of yours.
[ That has to be enough. Until it isn't. But that's for another day, a day when they have a chance of breaking out of this place. ]
[ He has reasons to think that isn't always a good thing but he's not really sure about talking about them right now either. ]
These days you never know what I have in my blood.
[ It's a bad joke but it's also true that from all the things he still feels and has in his head from months ago, he finds himself feeling that way about some. He just has a cool enough head to remind himself he doesn't get to be that way. ]
I'm trying to focus on that and not let myself feel the other things and let it hurt me. All I can do is focus on is him.
[ It is a bad joke and were they face to face, Maria would have given him a look. Instead it's: ]
🙄
Focus on him for now, but you gotta feel the rest. Just in a controlled space, a better environment. Stuffing it all down will make an explosion eventually.
I'm never going to let that happen. I swear. It's happened once and I'm not going to let that happen again. I swear. Just going to take care of those I can, anyway I can.
I hope you experience some of the better things like I have. There was a space station that was terrifying but amazing. Got to collect pirate treasure off the beach, though that led to my turning.
Even after all of this, I'm still trying to look at the positives here. I have an adopted sister who has been there for me for over a year. Guerin and I becoming such good friends. Being a vampire's not so bad.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But you've got bigger things on your plate.
I'll be ok.
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[ He knows he needs the focus to not think too hard. Especially about not looking at what actually happened.
Or thinking about what Maria thinks knowing he's killed. ]
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But I know now that that's going to be a sweet lie and nothing I can hold on to.
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I couldn't have promised you that in Roswell either, but I know the same thing here as I did there. We're going to take care of one another the best we can.
I'm sorry I can't promise more than that but I won't lie to you either.
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I know you're right it's just so much easier to be scared right now.
I'm a Dominant. I'm going to be responsible for someone. And I'm not even equipped for this.
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No matter what you do, how ironclad your contract is, how much you have going with you to protect them... there's nothing you can do.
But it doesn't stop you from feeling responsible and guilty for what you couldn't do for them.
Before I was ever even a vampire, I jumped guards for trying to hurt my first sub. Spent my day being beaten while being told what was happening to her and nothing I could do for her.
I would take any abuse to protect them and I can't. Not always.
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I don't like feeling helpless, Kyle. That's not how I work. I need something that I can hang onto.
But even if it is all of you, what happens when it's you on the screen? I don't know what I'll do but I have to do something.
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We don't know how bad it can be, but you're not alone. Okay?
You have something. You have me and Michael and Alex and Liz. We are going to do the best we can to take care of one another, no matter what happens.
I would rather it be me than some sweet guy like Nick. Or Michael who has already been through hell and back. Same with Manes. I hate that any of you are here and dealing with this, and I just want to do all I can.
What can I do for you?
[ He feels like he's getting somewhere with Nick, just giving him other things to focus on and it's taking him everything not to look at the network. If it wasn't for texting Maria, his device would likely be in the ocean even if he knows that won't last. Whatever he can do for others though it means not thinking harder on why he's trying to be there for them. ]
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But they all have their secrets and their dark corners, don't they? ]
You're letting me freak out over text at you while I wait for Michael to come over. I think you're good on the helping me front.
For the record, I don't want it to be you, either. Nick looks like a kid and there's no denying Michael and Alex have been through shit. But that doesn't mean you should draw the short straw. None of us should.
All you can do sometimes is pick up the pieces after the fact. Like you are with Nick. And that's good.
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I'm glad he's on his way. I've been texting him as well while I'm talking to Nick.
No, none of us should have to deal with this but this place doesn't care. So if I can do something for any of you, I will. I just want to take care of who I can of those I think of as my people.
Sorry, Deluca, you're one of them.
It's what I'm going to do. It just breaks my heart that anyone could hurt him. The city not the others hurt as well.
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I know it hurts. And I know how helpless you must feel right now, because it wasn't in your power to stop it or to bring justice against those that did it. But like you said you do what you can to take care of yours.
[ That has to be enough. Until it isn't. But that's for another day, a day when they have a chance of breaking out of this place. ]
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These days you never know what I have in my blood.
[ It's a bad joke but it's also true that from all the things he still feels and has in his head from months ago, he finds himself feeling that way about some. He just has a cool enough head to remind himself he doesn't get to be that way. ]
I'm trying to focus on that and not let myself feel the other things and let it hurt me. All I can do is focus on is him.
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🙄
Focus on him for now, but you gotta feel the rest. Just in a controlled space, a better environment. Stuffing it all down will make an explosion eventually.
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I'm never going to let that happen. I swear. It's happened once and I'm not going to let that happen again. I swear. Just going to take care of those I can, anyway I can.
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That includes taking care of yourself. Swear you'll do that too.
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[ And he's just going to ignore the rest. The pain and loss and troubles he's been through. ]
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There was a space station that was terrifying but amazing.
Got to collect pirate treasure off the beach, though that led to my turning.
Even after all of this, I'm still trying to look at the positives here.
I have an adopted sister who has been there for me for over a year. Guerin and I becoming such good friends. Being a vampire's not so bad.