( when nick walks into kyle's room, he sounds a little like he's striking up the conversation midway through a discussion, the pre-rehearsal he's been chewing over doing nothing to soothe nick's frayed nerves. )
It's really not that bad, or like. I don't know, it just seems like something I should talk to you about.
( he frowns, chewing at the inside of his cheek as he looks at kyle, but he crosses the room and sits on the bed without hesitating. slightly mixed signals, probably, but it doesn't last for long at least. he huffs, but keeps talking, holding a hand out for kyle to take. )
Well if I'm being honest, it feels that bad right now so...
[ Normally he would have hidden it, fought to keep his emotions down and to not let it show how nervous he is. They've come through so much, he sees no reason to hide it from Nick.
He moves to take Nick's hand though, settling on the bed so he's facing him. He shakes his head. ]
Nope. You asked me not to and I never did. Ragnor and I talked about it though.
Right, so you know...enough. Not who was involved.
( it's not exactly a secret that nick very much doesn't talk about that whole incident, even by nick's standards of avoidance. he does a lot to avoid talking about pretty much that entire period, the whole stressful month from the realignment cell through to kyle's release from prison.
but he was serious about wanting to be better, and if the blowout with ragnor was anything to go by then there's nothing to be gained by keeping things to himself. actually it just tends to blow up in his face. )
I don't— it's not like— the person who's punishment it was, we...kept seeing each other. After the video. I didn't really tell anyone 'cause I thought they would freak out.
Right. I was told that no one had any free will in it. You and another had been volunteered and the person actually being punished was being drugged.
[ He tries to keep his hand firm but tender against Nick's but he can't hide how he tenses thinking about it. He can't help himself. He came out of an abusive relationship months ago and it still hurts him and he blames himself for it, so maybe it's like that. ]
Can I ask why? Was it what you wanted? Was it... I don't know. Punishing yourself going through it again?
[ He remembers Nick locking himself in his room after it, and he can't help but wonder if that's what it's about. ]
( he tugs kyle's hand closer to him, so that he can quickly duck a kiss against his knuckles, but even when nick is done with all that he keeps kyle's hand close, squeezing his fingers lightly. )
I don't know. Maybe a little at first, but it was more like— he already knew exactly what that was like, so it was just...easy.
( he's not defensive, but nick can feel the knee jerk instinct to argue, to defend himself. communication has never been nick's strong point, but he made a point to tell kyle to ask questions and be honest. he drags his thumbs over kyle's knuckles, looks at their joined hands, actually takes half a second to think before he speaks.
none of it comes naturally to nick, who would have hightailed it long before this conversation only a few weeks ago, but he's trying. )
I don't like, expect us to keep each other up to date on everyone we're hooking up with or anything stupid like that. You know? This is like— he's...important to me now, does that make sense? But I don't want me and you to blow up in my face because I kept it from you.
[ There's something about that physical touch that eases some of the ache in Kyle's shoulder. Something about the fact that Nick is touching him, offering soft soothing touches, that is helping.
Even as he's trying not to panic if only because his mind runs through the worst case scenario and all of them that he can think about are awful and all end with Nick leaving again.
He hates it's where his mind goes, but he can't help that when it's been his most recent heartache.
He looks at their hands, afraid to raise his gaze and give Nick the wrong kind of look. ]
I know we never talked about this part of things. About who we're with or others. I guess I just kind of hoped it would just all work itself out.
[Nick isn't good at talking about things. Kyle is fearful of talking about things and losing Nick. ]
You're right though. We need to talk about these things.
So what does this mean to you? About us? In general? [ He pauses, considering this before lifting his gaze to Nick. He is trying not to look scared, to not show he's worried but he can't help but be. He's let himself open up and he truly thought everything was okay but what if it wasn't? ] Is this just letting me know before someone else does or is there something more?
( nick drags his eyes up from their hands, to meet kyle's instead. he's a little stressed, he can't hide that, but that's just talking — what they're talking about, or touching on at least. he reaches his other hand up, touches his fingers to kyle's cheeks lightly. )
I just...Ragnor saw before I told him and things got seriously out of hand. And I know it's not the same, I don't even know if you'd recognise him but like, that's not the point. He was so mad. I don't want to fight with you about shit.
( what is the point, exactly? that he still feels like he's lying, maybe. that it feels wrong to have kyle touching on filthy conversations when he doesn't know the full story. that there shouldn't be parts of nick that he's still hiding from kyle, maybe. )
I don't know if you remember the uh...marking your territory thing. Or the finder conversations, but. That's him, that's Logan.
[ Those words are important to Kyle and he shifts to move closer to Nick, wanting to hold him but settling on having him closer. His other hand covers Nick, turning his head to kiss the center of Nick's palm. ]
Are you guys okay? You and Ragnor?
[He knows things have been tense for them, about fights they've had in the past that Michael had told him about and that Kyle had seen the fall out from. He knew it hurt him when they fought like that. ]
I know Logan. Well, of him. I think we've talked a couple of times.
[ He doesn't get into the truth that he can't forget anything anymore, though for him it's not become centuries of memories as he knows it has for others. ]
Are you sure this okay? I know enough to know how horrific that video was to watch, how many were upset by what happened to you and others. Are you taking chances that are going to end up in you being hurt again? Is that why you're doing it?
[ He hates asking but he's trying to understand, to not be upset, or think that there's just things he's not giving Nick that he needs so he's risking himself to get them. ]
Yeah, it was um— right before I moved out, actually.
( which probably gives a little more context for why that whole situation went so spectacularly south. nick has never dealt with being overwhelmed well, and coming off of that fight, the self-destructive spiral that followed, and then the contract renewal coming in at the perfect moment to make him panic.
it wasn't his finest moment. )
No, it's...I get it looks bad to people, and I didn't want to worry anyone, or freak them out, which is part of why I didn't tell anyone in the first place.
( as it turns out, it's easier to talk about things the closer kyle is. he still struggles through the sentences, trying to tease his own thoughts out in a coherent way as difficult as actually saying them, but it's easier with kyle's cheek in his palm, with his lips against nick's skin. nick shuffles closer until his knees knock against kyle's leg and he can lean up, pressing a kiss to kyle's forehead and staying there. )
It's not about hurting each other. I just— always knew he understood some shit that no one else did, and it made it easier to relax around him, I guess. But it's not us. I don't want what we have with him, I don't want you to think that's what this is.
Okay. So I had heard about that. When I was having my own little... meltdown.
[ Because Michael had mentioned it might be part of why Nick had left. But Kyle had been too pained to think about that and worry about why. ]
Okay. I'm going to start with a few things.
[ He's still confused on some things but as they get closer, he feels tension easing. He needed that contact, leaning into the press of Nick's lips on his brow as he closes his eyes for a minute. Just savoring that.
His thumb brushes against Nick's hand and he fights not to pull Nick into his lap. Not that he doesn't close the gaps between him that he can, his leg sliding over Nick's. ]
Have you both talked about what happened that day? About what you've been through, and what he's been through? Especially now that he's important to you, I really hope you've talked about what you've been through.
Not as much as we should I guess, but we've talked about it more than I probably have with anyone else.
( in truth, he'd like to dress it up a little more. making it sound like nick and logan are perfectly healthy individuals and the past is just a matter of circumstance, because he knows kyle is worried. he can feel the tension there still, and this is part of what he'd been trying to avoid.
but lying has just made things worst in the past, and he said he was going to do better. getting caught out in a stupid lie and turning it into a reason to break up is what the old nick would have done. he's trying to be better than that. )
We've talked about...a lot. Enough. He's not a bad guy, I wouldn't bother with him if he was. But like...it's okay if you don't get it, or you think it's a bad idea. I don't expect you to just understand, I sometimes don't still.
I won't tell you that I understand. I won't lie to you and tell me I'm not scared either.
[ Normally he would hide all of this out of fear but he can't hold on to Nick by hiding how he feels. He did that and had nearly lost him. If he wants their side of things to healthy, they both have things they have to work on. ]
I also know what happened on that video was no more his choice than it was yours. I can't say that makes me okay with things, but I don't see him as a bad guy for things he had no control over. Okay?
I just... I worry about you. While I think I'm the best decision you've ever made? Sometimes... Your decisions aren't the best.
( nick worms his way closer as best as he can, winding an arm around kyle's waist and dropping his head onto the other man's shoulder. nick is always very physical, but these sorts of moments seem to demand it more than ever.
he stays close and it brings with it more relief. especially after the way things had gone with ragnor, nick had been catastrophising this conversation with kyle. kyle wasn't a fighter but nick would picture it anyway, play out vicious barbs and loud dismissals for no reason other than his own anxieties. )
That's fair. It's not like it would be the first time I made a self-destructive choice and got in my feelings about it. ( he pauses ) It's not like....I don't want to date him. That's not why I'm telling you.
[ That's all the encouragement he needs. Shifting to press himself back against the headboard, he moves to draw Nick into his arms and basically hauls him up onto his lap.
Keeping Nick close to him, stroking his hand along his back as he leans in and presses soft kisses to his shoulder. No matter how scared he is about what could happen to Nick, he knows he can't forbid him to see Logan. It would be the quickest way to drive him away.
Not that it doesn't go through his mind for a moment. He remembers Nick in those moments, how much it had affected him. How could he not be worried about him? ]
I... I can't say I'm not glad to hear that. I was kind of worried when you said you wanted to talk about all the scenarios that were you... changing your mind.
You have to know that Ragnor is upset because he cares about you, right? Because he's seen what you've been through. I can't blame him for that either. It's an imagine I bet he can't ever get out of his head and when you care about someone and you've seen that, it's hard.
That's why I didn't want you to watch it, you know. I didn't want you to have that image of me.
( nick settles into position in kyle's lap, easily, like it's becoming second nature. it takes no thought at all to brush his fingers through the front of kyle's hair, tugging idly at the short strands as he leans in to duck a quick kiss to his lips. just to punctuate the conversation. )
I'm like, all in on you. Okay? There's not— even if there's other people, other feelings, they're not going to replace you, or us. No one could. That hasn't changed.
( it's a nicer thing to talk about than michael, who was— more supportive than nick had expected, but he thinks that was probably more to do with michael walking in on nick right after the fight, still trying to recover. )
Michael heard the fight with Ragnor. We sort of talked about it then. I don't think he likes it, but...
Nick, I want you to know something. I would never judge you by something this place makes you do. I've been judged for what I thought were my choices, never given a real chance to defend myself, and I know what it's like.
[He strokes his fingers along Nick's jaw, leaning in and kissing him tenderly. ]
I would not do that to you, and I'm going to try and see Logan through your opinion of him too. Okay? Based on what he does with you now, not what he did that day. I mean, people could judge me on our video as well. I know some did.
[ Both for Nick being in it, as well as because of Michael and Kyle as well. He accepts that though, and accepted their place in things, in their relationship as a whole. So he had to accept Logan in that way until he saw reasons to do otherwise.
He smiles softly at that reassurance, stroking his fingers down along Nick's throat. ]
I like hearing that. We've both known that there are others and you know how I feel about you and what you mean to me. I've seen you with others at the car wash, and at the Clockhouse before...
[ He sighs. Losing that had been sad. It had been a part of their story, after all. ]
And both times I knew one thing. You're mine.
[ He has his nervousness about losing Nick, both by this place tearing them apart and Nick not being able to handle things between them. He knows that, but he also knows he's here with him, and Nick is saying that and it means everything to him. ]
( something a little like tension he hadn't known he was holding unknots. it's not like he had ever expected kyle to demand that nick chooses, that's not what they've ever been like, but he's worried about it all the same. more than he'd realised.
he winds himself into kyle, an arm looped around his neck and the other hand wrapping loosely around his wrist. he nudges kyle's hand a little more securely around nick's throat. for no particular reason other than because he likes the feel of it. )
This...me and you? It's different. I don't want what we have with anyone else. Sex, feelings, it's whatever. It doesn't change that I'm yours.
( for someone with well documented commitment issues he sure does like the sound of that, you're mine, without the bells and whistles of whatever little game they're playing. just the simple statement. nick's commitment issues are sky high and well documented, but he doesn't want to run now.
he doesn't want to ask the question that's still tugging at his thoughts either, but he does anyway. he hadn't expected kyle to get angry about it either, but his realistic understanding of the man in his arms only does so much to dissuade knee jerk fears. he doesn't think that kyle is angry, but he wants to hear him say it anyway. )
[ Hearing Nick say that is everything Kyle needs to hear. To hear that Nick believes it too, and they've come this far and it feels so good. Smiling as his fingers slide to settle around Nick's throat, pressing the heel of his hand against the center of his throat. Not pushing, not hard, but flexing his fingers against his throat. ]
What we have is us, and nothing else touches that. I get that. We have our things, our other people, but there's nothing I have that is like what I have with you.
[ He instantly shakes his head, though he knows that can't be all of it. ]
I'm not mad at you. I am scared, okay? For the reasons I'm Ragnor was, and Michael is. You have tastes that could get you in trouble. [ And to highlight that he does tighten his grip against his throat. ] So I worry about you with someone that did horrible things to you and others. But... you're sitting on my lap and I've done horrible things too. So I don't know if I can judge you. Just worry about you.
( or at least he thinks he does. it's hard not to read it as people not trusting his decisions sometimes, but then—
nick's decisions haven't exactly given people much cause to trust them lately, either, so maybe he deserves that. he rubs his thumb over the back of kyle's hand, pressing it forward just enough that he feels the pressure when he swallows. he sighs, leans forward and presses a quick kiss on kyle's lips. )
You don't need to worry about him. For any reason. He, um— ( the corner of his mouth tugs up into half a smile, and he rests his forehead against kyle's, eyes closing. ) When I...left, you know. He told me to come talk to you, fix things. He's a good guy, I swear. He's not the things he's done. Just like I know you're not.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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cool
sorry i really was actually trying to be non stress about this ik 'we need to talk' texts suck
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You are okay, right? This isn't another video type thing, is it?
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sort of related tho
idk i'm going to make a drink quickly but where are u
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In my room. Would you rather I be somewhere else?
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It's really not that bad, or like. I don't know, it just seems like something I should talk to you about.
( he frowns, chewing at the inside of his cheek as he looks at kyle, but he crosses the room and sits on the bed without hesitating. slightly mixed signals, probably, but it doesn't last for long at least. he huffs, but keeps talking, holding a hand out for kyle to take. )
You never watched the video, did you?
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[ Normally he would have hidden it, fought to keep his emotions down and to not let it show how nervous he is. They've come through so much, he sees no reason to hide it from Nick.
He moves to take Nick's hand though, settling on the bed so he's facing him. He shakes his head. ]
Nope. You asked me not to and I never did. Ragnor and I talked about it though.
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( it's not exactly a secret that nick very much doesn't talk about that whole incident, even by nick's standards of avoidance. he does a lot to avoid talking about pretty much that entire period, the whole stressful month from the realignment cell through to kyle's release from prison.
but he was serious about wanting to be better, and if the blowout with ragnor was anything to go by then there's nothing to be gained by keeping things to himself. actually it just tends to blow up in his face. )
I don't— it's not like— the person who's punishment it was, we...kept seeing each other. After the video. I didn't really tell anyone 'cause I thought they would freak out.
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[ He tries to keep his hand firm but tender against Nick's but he can't hide how he tenses thinking about it. He can't help himself. He came out of an abusive relationship months ago and it still hurts him and he blames himself for it, so maybe it's like that. ]
Can I ask why? Was it what you wanted? Was it... I don't know. Punishing yourself going through it again?
[ He remembers Nick locking himself in his room after it, and he can't help but wonder if that's what it's about. ]
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I don't know. Maybe a little at first, but it was more like— he already knew exactly what that was like, so it was just...easy.
( he's not defensive, but nick can feel the knee jerk instinct to argue, to defend himself. communication has never been nick's strong point, but he made a point to tell kyle to ask questions and be honest. he drags his thumbs over kyle's knuckles, looks at their joined hands, actually takes half a second to think before he speaks.
none of it comes naturally to nick, who would have hightailed it long before this conversation only a few weeks ago, but he's trying. )
I don't like, expect us to keep each other up to date on everyone we're hooking up with or anything stupid like that. You know? This is like— he's...important to me now, does that make sense? But I don't want me and you to blow up in my face because I kept it from you.
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Even as he's trying not to panic if only because his mind runs through the worst case scenario and all of them that he can think about are awful and all end with Nick leaving again.
He hates it's where his mind goes, but he can't help that when it's been his most recent heartache.
He looks at their hands, afraid to raise his gaze and give Nick the wrong kind of look. ]
I know we never talked about this part of things. About who we're with or others. I guess I just kind of hoped it would just all work itself out.
[Nick isn't good at talking about things. Kyle is fearful of talking about things and losing Nick. ]
You're right though. We need to talk about these things.
So what does this mean to you? About us? In general? [ He pauses, considering this before lifting his gaze to Nick. He is trying not to look scared, to not show he's worried but he can't help but be. He's let himself open up and he truly thought everything was okay but what if it wasn't? ] Is this just letting me know before someone else does or is there something more?
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( nick drags his eyes up from their hands, to meet kyle's instead. he's a little stressed, he can't hide that, but that's just talking — what they're talking about, or touching on at least. he reaches his other hand up, touches his fingers to kyle's cheeks lightly. )
I just...Ragnor saw before I told him and things got seriously out of hand. And I know it's not the same, I don't even know if you'd recognise him but like, that's not the point. He was so mad. I don't want to fight with you about shit.
( what is the point, exactly? that he still feels like he's lying, maybe. that it feels wrong to have kyle touching on filthy conversations when he doesn't know the full story. that there shouldn't be parts of nick that he's still hiding from kyle, maybe. )
I don't know if you remember the uh...marking your territory thing. Or the finder conversations, but. That's him, that's Logan.
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Are you guys okay? You and Ragnor?
[He knows things have been tense for them, about fights they've had in the past that Michael had told him about and that Kyle had seen the fall out from. He knew it hurt him when they fought like that. ]
I know Logan. Well, of him. I think we've talked a couple of times.
[ He doesn't get into the truth that he can't forget anything anymore, though for him it's not become centuries of memories as he knows it has for others. ]
Are you sure this okay? I know enough to know how horrific that video was to watch, how many were upset by what happened to you and others. Are you taking chances that are going to end up in you being hurt again? Is that why you're doing it?
[ He hates asking but he's trying to understand, to not be upset, or think that there's just things he's not giving Nick that he needs so he's risking himself to get them. ]
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( which probably gives a little more context for why that whole situation went so spectacularly south. nick has never dealt with being overwhelmed well, and coming off of that fight, the self-destructive spiral that followed, and then the contract renewal coming in at the perfect moment to make him panic.
it wasn't his finest moment. )
No, it's...I get it looks bad to people, and I didn't want to worry anyone, or freak them out, which is part of why I didn't tell anyone in the first place.
( as it turns out, it's easier to talk about things the closer kyle is. he still struggles through the sentences, trying to tease his own thoughts out in a coherent way as difficult as actually saying them, but it's easier with kyle's cheek in his palm, with his lips against nick's skin. nick shuffles closer until his knees knock against kyle's leg and he can lean up, pressing a kiss to kyle's forehead and staying there. )
It's not about hurting each other. I just— always knew he understood some shit that no one else did, and it made it easier to relax around him, I guess. But it's not us. I don't want what we have with him, I don't want you to think that's what this is.
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[ Because Michael had mentioned it might be part of why Nick had left. But Kyle had been too pained to think about that and worry about why. ]
Okay. I'm going to start with a few things.
[ He's still confused on some things but as they get closer, he feels tension easing. He needed that contact, leaning into the press of Nick's lips on his brow as he closes his eyes for a minute. Just savoring that.
His thumb brushes against Nick's hand and he fights not to pull Nick into his lap. Not that he doesn't close the gaps between him that he can, his leg sliding over Nick's. ]
Have you both talked about what happened that day? About what you've been through, and what he's been through? Especially now that he's important to you, I really hope you've talked about what you've been through.
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( in truth, he'd like to dress it up a little more. making it sound like nick and logan are perfectly healthy individuals and the past is just a matter of circumstance, because he knows kyle is worried. he can feel the tension there still, and this is part of what he'd been trying to avoid.
but lying has just made things worst in the past, and he said he was going to do better. getting caught out in a stupid lie and turning it into a reason to break up is what the old nick would have done. he's trying to be better than that. )
We've talked about...a lot. Enough. He's not a bad guy, I wouldn't bother with him if he was. But like...it's okay if you don't get it, or you think it's a bad idea. I don't expect you to just understand, I sometimes don't still.
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[ Normally he would hide all of this out of fear but he can't hold on to Nick by hiding how he feels. He did that and had nearly lost him. If he wants their side of things to healthy, they both have things they have to work on. ]
I also know what happened on that video was no more his choice than it was yours. I can't say that makes me okay with things, but I don't see him as a bad guy for things he had no control over. Okay?
I just... I worry about you. While I think I'm the best decision you've ever made? Sometimes... Your decisions aren't the best.
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( nick worms his way closer as best as he can, winding an arm around kyle's waist and dropping his head onto the other man's shoulder. nick is always very physical, but these sorts of moments seem to demand it more than ever.
he stays close and it brings with it more relief. especially after the way things had gone with ragnor, nick had been catastrophising this conversation with kyle. kyle wasn't a fighter but nick would picture it anyway, play out vicious barbs and loud dismissals for no reason other than his own anxieties. )
That's fair. It's not like it would be the first time I made a self-destructive choice and got in my feelings about it. ( he pauses ) It's not like....I don't want to date him. That's not why I'm telling you.
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Keeping Nick close to him, stroking his hand along his back as he leans in and presses soft kisses to his shoulder. No matter how scared he is about what could happen to Nick, he knows he can't forbid him to see Logan. It would be the quickest way to drive him away.
Not that it doesn't go through his mind for a moment. He remembers Nick in those moments, how much it had affected him. How could he not be worried about him? ]
I... I can't say I'm not glad to hear that. I was kind of worried when you said you wanted to talk about all the scenarios that were you... changing your mind.
You have to know that Ragnor is upset because he cares about you, right? Because he's seen what you've been through. I can't blame him for that either. It's an imagine I bet he can't ever get out of his head and when you care about someone and you've seen that, it's hard.
Have you... are you going to talk to Michael?
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( nick settles into position in kyle's lap, easily, like it's becoming second nature. it takes no thought at all to brush his fingers through the front of kyle's hair, tugging idly at the short strands as he leans in to duck a quick kiss to his lips. just to punctuate the conversation. )
I'm like, all in on you. Okay? There's not— even if there's other people, other feelings, they're not going to replace you, or us. No one could. That hasn't changed.
( it's a nicer thing to talk about than michael, who was— more supportive than nick had expected, but he thinks that was probably more to do with michael walking in on nick right after the fight, still trying to recover. )
Michael heard the fight with Ragnor. We sort of talked about it then. I don't think he likes it, but...
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[He strokes his fingers along Nick's jaw, leaning in and kissing him tenderly. ]
I would not do that to you, and I'm going to try and see Logan through your opinion of him too. Okay? Based on what he does with you now, not what he did that day. I mean, people could judge me on our video as well. I know some did.
[ Both for Nick being in it, as well as because of Michael and Kyle as well. He accepts that though, and accepted their place in things, in their relationship as a whole. So he had to accept Logan in that way until he saw reasons to do otherwise.
He smiles softly at that reassurance, stroking his fingers down along Nick's throat. ]
I like hearing that. We've both known that there are others and you know how I feel about you and what you mean to me. I've seen you with others at the car wash, and at the Clockhouse before...
[ He sighs. Losing that had been sad. It had been a part of their story, after all. ]
And both times I knew one thing. You're mine.
[ He has his nervousness about losing Nick, both by this place tearing them apart and Nick not being able to handle things between them. He knows that, but he also knows he's here with him, and Nick is saying that and it means everything to him. ]
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he winds himself into kyle, an arm looped around his neck and the other hand wrapping loosely around his wrist. he nudges kyle's hand a little more securely around nick's throat. for no particular reason other than because he likes the feel of it. )
This...me and you? It's different. I don't want what we have with anyone else. Sex, feelings, it's whatever. It doesn't change that I'm yours.
( for someone with well documented commitment issues he sure does like the sound of that, you're mine, without the bells and whistles of whatever little game they're playing. just the simple statement. nick's commitment issues are sky high and well documented, but he doesn't want to run now.
he doesn't want to ask the question that's still tugging at his thoughts either, but he does anyway. he hadn't expected kyle to get angry about it either, but his realistic understanding of the man in his arms only does so much to dissuade knee jerk fears. he doesn't think that kyle is angry, but he wants to hear him say it anyway. )
You're not mad at me?
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What we have is us, and nothing else touches that. I get that. We have our things, our other people, but there's nothing I have that is like what I have with you.
[ He instantly shakes his head, though he knows that can't be all of it. ]
I'm not mad at you. I am scared, okay? For the reasons I'm Ragnor was, and Michael is. You have tastes that could get you in trouble. [ And to highlight that he does tighten his grip against his throat. ] So I worry about you with someone that did horrible things to you and others. But... you're sitting on my lap and I've done horrible things too. So I don't know if I can judge you. Just worry about you.
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( or at least he thinks he does. it's hard not to read it as people not trusting his decisions sometimes, but then—
nick's decisions haven't exactly given people much cause to trust them lately, either, so maybe he deserves that. he rubs his thumb over the back of kyle's hand, pressing it forward just enough that he feels the pressure when he swallows. he sighs, leans forward and presses a quick kiss on kyle's lips. )
You don't need to worry about him. For any reason. He, um— ( the corner of his mouth tugs up into half a smile, and he rests his forehead against kyle's, eyes closing. ) When I...left, you know. He told me to come talk to you, fix things. He's a good guy, I swear. He's not the things he's done. Just like I know you're not.
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I knew I had tagged this, then tagged it to the wrong thread. Sorry