drmcsexy | For thenewnormal, post 1x13

For thenewnormal, post 1x13 - Spoilers

By the time Kyle took a moment to truly breathe and thing about what's happened, he is back at the hospital. Hours earlier he had been shot. Yeah, he's standing there, mostly fine, but he had been shot. His shooter is lying in a bed in a coma, Dr Valenti listed as his physician to be contacted immediately about any changes to his condition, and for now, it's over.

Except it isn't. Not at all. And everything is still madness around them, and Liz and Max and all of them are dealing with so much, he realizes that he has to make a call. One that maybe he should have made sooner, as soon as he realized that he was maybe being followed, but if he does nothing else before maybe deciding to drink himself into a matching coma, Alex needs to know about his dad.

Ignoring how cold his hands feel as he hits the buttons to dial Alex, ignoring how the entire world feels kind of distant from him, from what he's going through, moving down the hall from Jesse's room to try and get some privacy as he puts the phone to his ear, praying Alex is okay and that he will answer the phone. That he even can.

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"Yeah the bruise I'm sporting wasn't nonlethal," he points out, rubbing at his chest with a sigh as he leans back in the seat, closing his eyes. "That might be best though," he admits, feeling his heart starting to race when he thought about it once more, about the idea of holding that gun in that moment. He rubs his hand at his thigh along the nap of his jeans as if he can rub away the feeling of it.

It's been too much in such a short time and he's not sure how he's going to hold himself together the moment he has a second to stop and actually think. Until then though, he can just focus on here and now.

"Hence would be," he says softly, making himself open his eyes and staring out the window rather than looking at Alex. Though he laughs at that, the sound more bitter than he means it to be. "Oh he gets it," he says with a snort. "He gets that he's jealous as all hell because we're becoming friends again. You should have seen his face when I told him we'd been working on the code together." Barely turning his head then, stealing a glance at Alex from the corner of his eye.

"Somewhere he's gotten it in his head that he's got something to fear from me, as if that's somewhere you'd go,' he says, shaking his head. "He'll get over it. Just like he'll get over the fact that I was a monster to you in high school and then we can have those drinks and nothing to worry about."

It's easy to talk about, but he's not sure how much it would be in practice. Michael likely wouldn't forgive Kyle, and maybe he can sense Kyle's remembering what had happened to turn Kyle as he had. The crush that had terrified him so badly back then.

"You weren't a monster," Alex said absently. "The monster was who shattered Michael's hand and you were never that." There'd been words that hurt and a few shoves on both sides, but Kyle had never been particularly violent. And that was the problem he was having with shooting a gun. Alex could sense if not see the way his hand would be shaking. Give the man an open wound and he was a professional, but no one should have to deal with his father without a significant amount of training.

He frowned as he thought about it. Was Guerin really jealous of a friendship? Or had he somehow intuited his childhood crush on Kyle? Not that it would be really hard to figure out. Lots of kids had crushes on their best friend when they were the opposite gender and he'd just happened to prefer his own. And there Kyle was.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll ask him about it when we find him. We were supposed to talk." And now he wasn't sure whether he was supposed to be worried that Michael hadn't come back or angry that he hadn't.

"Do you know that I'd thought about not leaving the Air Force because I thought it would keep me one step ahead of my dad?" He shook his head. "I really should have known better. I've never managed to keep up with him."

He'd only managed to catch his dad flat-footed because his father had never assumed that Alex would have the guts to stand up to him.

"I'm glad you don't see it that way," he says, shifting to lean his head against the window, feeling the stress of the last two days weighing heavy on his shoulders. When Kyle had broken through his high school stupidity and looked back on the horrible things he'd done to his best friend out of fear, he had thought of himself as little more. He hadn't gone to medical school because of it, but he did a lot to try and make things better for people out of his own need to be a better man.

"With Noah on the loose last night, who knows... I mean, he's fine. Okay? Trust me, if anyone is fine in this, it's Guerin. Just..." He sighs. "Who knows if Max or Isobel are. Who knows how far they had to chase him," he says, realizing how horrible what he started to say is. "So it's probably that he couldn't get there to talk to you. So we'll find him, you two will fix things and you won't snap at me when I say he's your boyfriend," he says, smirking crookedly.

"Do you know why you can't keep up with him? Because you're not evil. You're not constantly thinking about six ways to cover your back and to fuck everyone over, because you're a good man, Alex Manes. Your father is a villain. He literally is constantly plotting and planning and working to keep himself ahead of everyone else. So maybe... maybe stop doing shit because of that asshole and start doing things because of you. About damn time you did things for you, Alex. You've deserved it since we were kids, and ... I know I was a kid, so I couldn't do anything to fix it but I'm sorry that I was the one that added on to it."

Edited 2019-05-17 04:40 (UTC)

You're not constantly thinking about six ways to cover your back. . Alex couldn't help but laugh a little at that and it wasn't the sort of happy laugh that was normally out of his mouth.

"That's exactly why I agreed to go into the Air Force," he pointed out. "Because I wanted to do something more than just sit around on my hands whe someone I cared about was in danger. It's what they trained us to do. Sometimes I think it was the only worthwhile thing I came back with."

The memories, the nightmares. He didn't want those. And he didn't want the expectations his father had that Alex would just fall in line like the good little soldier he'd been. A Manes Man. Maybe that was the family curse. He wondered if any of his brothers had broken free of it or whether they were all good little soldiers like Flint.

He sighed. He really didn't want to think about how being an airman had changed him. That was a long, involved conversation that he wasn't even comfortable talking about with a therapist. It certainly wasn't fit conversation during the hunt for the Guerin-Evans's. But you could always trust Kyle to have a witty comment to fall back on, so Alex finished on that.

"Clearly I'm going to have to find something else to grouse about. You always give me something, so I figure it won't be hard."

Kyle stares out the window, thinking about all of them and their reasons for leaving, for staying, the things that drew them back to Roswell. Like they couldn't stay away. Or get away. When he left for college, he never thought he'd come back. It felt like a different lifetime, a different person, when the world made sense, and he knew what he wanted.

Now he hasn't a clue, he just knows that out of all of them, apparently he's got it easier than most of them, and more and more he's feeling he doesn't want to complain, just do what he can for them. It's why he became a doctor, so he can understand Alex's feelings on it. On what he'd hoped to gain.

"You know, I could give you a big long speech about how you can't save everyone, but given how long I cried after the last person I lost on the table, I don't think I've got room to talk about it. All you can do though is try and do your best, and a lot of other pithy comments you'll roll your eyes at," he says, turning his head to look at Alex instead of the desert.

"Well, you could get frustrated and take a shot at me." He pales a little, that turn of phrase suddenly nauseating. "Or punch. Definitely meant punch," he says, muttering softly under his breath at how saying that twisted up his gut. "Or we could drink. A lot. Black out drunk sounds like the best thing in the world right now."

"If we were back in high school, I might have taken you up on that," Alex said, shaking his head. He didn't really want to shoot Kyle now. He'd changed in some indefinable way. Or maybe he'd gone back to being the Kyle Alex had known when they were kids. The one who hadn't yet given in to peer pressure and dumped Alex on his ass.

He slowed to a stop in front of Isobel's. The benefits of living in a small town. They weren't friends, but he still knew where she lived. Of course, the fact that her dad had had her information in his database had helped. And made him feel a little like Big Brother.

"If we don't find anyone...yeah, drinking might be an option."

Except it wouldn't be. He'd want to be out there figuring out what was going on. Because to have everyone disappear all at once? That meant that something was wrong.

"I'll be right back." He slipped out so he could walk over and knock at Isobel's door. When that didn't work, he tried around out back. Nothing. He started cursing under his breath. Michael had been bloody the last time Alex had seen him. He said it hadn't been his, but...

He managed not to punch anything and headed back to the car instead. "We're heading to the Wild Pony. See if Maria's heard from anyone."

"Well, I'm thankful for that. One close encounter with bullet holes is enough for one day," he says. As if that is the only stress he's had on him in the last day. That any of them have been through. And it's still not over as they seek out Michael.

"If there's anything wrong, holler." And even as he says it, he moves to stand by the car, looking around as if hoping she would come pulling up at any minute. Except Alex comes back and nothing. Not promising, not in the least.

The longer they go without hearing from any of them he worries. He'd last hear from Liz that she was okay from the cut, that she had kept Arturo safe, and that Noah hadn't come back. It was the only news he'd had, and it had been hours ago.

Kyle nods at that, moving to get into the car. "I'm trying with Liz again but after everything, she is likely asleep. She promised to let me know if there were any issues with the cut so..." So he's hoping that everything is okay or he would have heard from her. He hopes.

There was silence in the car for several long, unbearable moments until Alex said, "I love him. I think I've loved him for the last ten years, but it's terrifying. The more I learn about what's going on, the more it seems like he's the only thing I have to hold onto." And there was a small, secret part of him that wondered if it was enough.

If it was enough, would he have kept pushing Michael away at every chance he got? Maybe if he hadn't, he'd know what was going on, but maybe he wouldn't. Maybe it would always be like this between them. Michael was his whole world and he couldn't be Michael's. Not with everything else he had going on.

A stray thought latched on and he glanced over at Kyle. "Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you and I had never stopped being friends." Maybe nothing would have changed. Kyle's dad would still be dead and Alex's father would still be responsible. And now, all these years later, they were still friends of a sort.

"I wish I had answers to give you," Kyle says softly when Alex speaks about it being scary, and how Guerin might be all Alex has to hold on to.

Like talking about how Kyle is there for him, but he hasn't been. He's been his bully. He's been the monster that made an abused kid's life even worse. Now they've been tentatively working things out, leaving that behind, but Kyle also knows the person he was, and he isn't sure how many changes makes him different. Even if there's only a few of them that likely still think about that side of him rather than the man he's become.

"You'd have had what you have now for the last ten years," he says softly, looking over to Alex from where he's staring out the window, not really seeing anything. "Someone you can turn to whenever you need anything."

Which feels like so much of too little to late, and he knows it. "Something else to hold on to."

He shifts, the sound of it loud to his own ears in the quiet of the car.

"I really a sorry, Alex. I did the same thing I think everyone else has. Taken out their issues on you. I'm really sorry."

Alex slammed on the brakes, turning to look at Kyle. "Stop, okay? Just stop. It's done, you were an idiot, but you weren't the only idiot back then. I did some awful things, too." Like run away from something that had felt right. He'd kept running even after ten years and at least Kyle had admitted he was wrong.

"Let's make a deal that that will be the last time you apologize for being a dick in high school." He paused and added, "Otherwise, you'll start a backlog for when you fuck up from here on out." If he'd felt like smiling, that would have been when he smiled, but the smile was in his voice.

"Okay? Besides, it's not like it would have changed all that much. I ran away after Michael's hand got broken when I should have stayed and done...something."

He turned to make sure Kyle knew he meant it.

He's had no sleep, and while not as much stress as Alex and the others, everything that Kyle has gone through in the last twenty-four hours from talking to Liz about Rosa to everything about the gun and Jesse and Alex hitting the brakes like that sends his stomach dropping.

And pain through his shoulder as the seatbelt locks and presses hard against the bruise, or whatever it is that he's still telling himself is a bruise. It hurts like hell, whatever it is.

Clutching at the door, his hand on the dash, and for a minute panicking that something is wrong, something else has happened, and someone else is trying to kill someone.

Staying very still as Alex talks, even as he draws his arms back, sitting up straight and facing him. Nodding, as he exhales slowly, trying not to let it sound like a sigh.

"It's done," he agrees with a nod. He wants to argue though that maybe he wouldn't have gone into the military. Maybe he'd have come up to Michigan, gone to college there and they could have caused trouble together. At the very least Alex would have had someone to talk to. Instead they had all bailed on this town and tried to pretend they weren't broken. And sometimes they still pretended because it's easier.

"Also, can we leave sudden movements behind for a few days or I'm going to puke if you do that again." It's a crap joke but it's easier than giving into the bile in his throat. "Not to mention wounded here," he quips, smirking as he says it. Yep, everything is fine. Not broken at all.

Alex searched Kyle's face and he didn't like what he saw. He'd seen the same thing in the men and women around him when he'd been overseas and it twisted something in his chest to see it in Kyle's expression now. He'd been in such a rush to go find Michael, to figure out what was going on, that he'd hurried right past the part where he'd checked over Kyle to make sure he was alive. Physically, he was mostly just bruised and that's what Alex had worried about.

But there was more to it than just the physical bruise. The bruise didn't cause the whiteness in Kyle's face or the ways his eyes darted around to assess the situation. Alex pressed his lips together and wondered whether anyone would care if he shot his own father.

"I won't," he promised.

He continued forward slowly, continuing to glance at Kyle out of the corner of his eye. He'd been too lost in his own crap to be worried about more than the physical, but he was worried now.

"I should have known he wouldn't stay away," he muttered softly. Especially since they'd destroyed something that must have been precious. He couldn't help but wonder if that was one of the things his father had squirreled away or whether the government knew about the prisoners that had been held there.

He hates feeling this way. Ever since the panic attack in the gun shop last night - fuck it hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet - ever since then he's felt on edge in a way he's just never experienced. Not even on his fifth night on ER duty pulling down a double... after a double with just sleep on an empty bed between calls. That was paranoia. This is knowing they are out to get you.

"Cool, then let's get back to trying to find your wayward... Guerin," he says, knowing he's still being a dick about that, but hey. If he acts normal then it's all fine, right? Fake it until you don't break until a million pieces? Okay, he's pretty sure that's not it but still.

"You shouldn't have to worry about your dad trying to kill people," he shoots back, not wanting Alex to blame himself. "It shouldn't even have to be your job," he mutters, settling back in the seat, staring out the windshield again and not looking at Alex. Especially not as he says this.

"I couldn't... I should have, and I know it, but I couldn't..." He can't even say it. Shit, he feels so fucking weak on this, but he didn't spend all that time actually reevaluating himself as a person to just destroy people like he used to with words and actions.

Except he swore to protect others, and he isn't if Jesse leaves that hospital.

"Given he's under a doctor's care, most investigations would be minimal if he were to not wake up at some point."

He can't believe he's talking about this, and he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly to try and stay calm and not let that same heart racing, sick as fuck panic take over once more.

"Especially if whatever family member is in charge of his care didn't ask for one."

He'd been putting a lot of things off about this conversation in favor of focusing on the task at hand: finding Michael or Max or Isobel or even Liz at this point and finding out what had happened. But it was starting to become apparent that while Alex could compartmentalize (hide, a part of him said), Kyle was having trouble.

Alex took one hand off the wheel and squeezed Kyle's shoulder gently.

"You're not alone, I promise. Whatever comes your way, especially when it comes to my father, we'll deal with it. You're being a lot kinder to him than anyone else would be and miles away than he would be to you." Given that his father had tried to...

Horror twisted in his stomach and he didn't finish the thought. Just when he and Kyle were getting back to something, just when they were becoming friends again. It was another thing his father had tried to take from him and there would be a reckoning.

"If I have to take it out of your hands so you can sleep easy, I will." Because he'd done as bad or worse over the years.

Until recently, Kyle's life has been fairly good. Sure he didn't become the football star he'd thought about, but he became a better person. He's happy, and he's worked hard for it. He's not had to deal with family secrets revealed, endangered aliens, and death threats. He lost a sister before he ever knew he had her. His father tortured others for being different. So many were suddenly dead, and others dead because of things his father and Alex's hid for so many years. It's painful before he had gone through the last twenty-four hours. He has no idea how to hide it, to pretend he's fine.

Even if he's starting to suspect he's going to need to learn and quickly.

"I didn't become a doctor to shoot someone," he says in a low voice, though he glances at Alex when that touch comes, just starting at him for the longest time. "This is why I told you what I did. You are brave, and strong. I'm just doing whatever I have to just because I have no other choice."

Which isn't true. It's because he'll do whatever he has to for his friends, for those that are really his family even if not by blood. And for those they care about as well. And he'll keep pushing though because they need him to, even if he hasn't had a chance to slow down, to think about his sister, and his dad, and everything else that he's trying to ignore so they can find the others. That's more important than everything he's not thinking about, and he keeps telling himself that.

"We've got time to decide what to do about him,' he says in a low voice. "I don't know if I can ask you to do something I'm not willing to do. If things go to Hell, I can't have you going to prison because of him." He'd rather he be the one to do it, if he had to.

"Though let's be honest, I'm really too goddamn good looking for prison," he says, trying to pull himself together, if only because he can't be another burden that Alex is dealing with. He won't have him having to carry him.

"I'll figure something out. Thank you though." As if it's on him now, and as Jesse is his patient, he feels it is.

Alex snorted a laugh. That was something he admired about Kyle. His ability to put an absurd spin on even the most serious subjects, just injecting a little bit of humor to make the terrible seem not as bad.

"You are. You'd be someone's bitch within the first half hour." And...okay. That was enough of thinking about Kyle bending over and taking it. His love life was complicated enough and his relationship with Kyle maybe even moreso. He didn't want to screw this up the way he had all those years ago.

He pulled his hand back to put on the wheel and shook his head. "You're wrong, though. I'm not brave. I just put on a good act." Maybe he had his moments, but they never seemed to last long. If he'd been brave, he would have told his father to go to hell at the drive-in. If he'd been brave, he would have stayed on that tailgate and to hell with the rest of the world.

He sighed as he pulled into the parking lot at the Wild Pony.

"Someone had better be here," he said and got out before Kyle could respond to his 'I'm not brave' comment. He knew why people always thought he was brave. His leg was a very clear comment about why they thought that. But he knew they were wrong and he didn't need Kyle's platitudes or to go into detail about why Kyle was wrong.

Not that the quiet would last long because Kyle was probably right behind him. He headed for the door, opening it quickly so that maybe he could get into a conversation with Maria before Kyle could call him on what he'd said and froze.

Michael. There he was, like he didn't have a care in the world or had made any promises to be anywhere. And... His heart twisted and tears sprang to his eyes when he actually took in what he was seeing. Michael was playing the guitar. To Maria.

He shut the door quietly and backed up, smacking into a warm chest.

"Michael's fine, which means that Max and Isobel are going to be." Because there was no way that he was going to serenade Maria without his family being safe. He stumbled away from Kyle and headed back to the car. "Where can I drop you? I have a date with..." Michael. He had a date with Michael which Michael was clearly not keeping. And he couldn't drink his pain away at the Wild Pony like he usually might.

"Saturn's Ring," he finally said and yes, it was a tourist joint, but maybe that was for the best. He wouldn't be recognized there. No one would question why he was having a mid-afternoon bender."

This was not the time to think about Alex talking about making Kyle his bitch, which is not what Alex said and yet that is the image that goes through his head, leaving him trying to catch his breath and focus on anything but that.

So he lets Alex get out of the vehicle and head for the bar, ending up a few steps behind Alex as they head into the bar.

Or don't head into the bar as it ends up, Alex backing up into him and closing the door.

"What the hell, Ma..." He stops, blinking at him in shock. "Uhmmm, okay? I mean, are you sure? We could just..." He glances towards the door and then back to Alex. Maria's car is in the parking lot, and Alex is acting all panicked and weird and... Kyle glances back towards the door and then to Alex.

Oh. Oh no. After all of this, they couldn't...

Except he's looking at Alex who says he's going to that overdone tourist trap and definitely it's just about as bad inside that door as Kyle is imagining. Okay maybe not as bad as he's imagining, but worse for Alex. Less nudity, way more intimacy.

"Huh. You know, that's funny, because that's exactly where I was going to ask you to drop me off at. Anywhere that has that much alcohol is perfect right now. You know, if you want, I can drive," he says, heading for the car.

Alex shook his head. "You don't have to, Kyle. Michael's inside if you want to go ask him where everyone else is." He didn't think he could face the two of them. And maybe it wasn't anything, but it looked like something. It looked as if Michael had his hand back. Clearly near-death wasn't the only thing Max could heal. And he'd chosen to play for someone for the first time in years.

He'd chosen to play for Maria.

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and he thought that maybe the better idea was to grab a few bottles of something and head home. He couldn't do any damage out there and it wasn't like Michael was looking for him. He'd probably even forgotten that he'd made a plan to meet up.

"And we both know that you wouldn't step inside that tourist shack if someone paid you." Which...it meant a lot that Kyle was willing to go for him. But he wasn't likely to be the best company. He was just planning on drinking until he was sick and then having whoever the bartender was call him a cab.

"The truth? I'm not here for Guerin. I'm here to help you." And to not be alone, to not be alone with his thoughts, and his fears, and his pain. Being out with Alex has helped him to calm down and try and find center, to be as relaxed as he can be. Not that anything is very relaxing right now.

"Then give me your keys," he says, stepping in close to Alex and holding out his hand. "And we'll go back to my place. I've got some bottles there, or we can stop on the way. We've talked all morning about needing a drink, and I don't think either of us really needs to be drinking alone," he says, because it's true. As much as he knows it's more for Alex right now, he's not sure he could go home and start drinking and stop at any point.

"At least they way we can both make sure the other doesn't end up face down in their own puke." Or he can have a few drinks, and let Alex get as wasted as he needs to. It's been easy to wallow in his own fears right until someone else needs his help, let's him care for them. It lets him have the focus he needs to pull himself together. At least for now.

There was a brief flicker of a smile and a bleak expression on Alex's face at that comment. What he wouldn't give for Michael to be the one saying that. Yes, Alex had made mistakes. Plenty of mistakes. But he'd thought they were getting to a better place.

And now...

He pressed the keys into Kyle's hand. "My place. No one really knows where I am. Except for random people trying to break in because they think they still own it."

Another flicker of a smile and he headed for the passenger's side. "We'll have to stop for something on the way out." Because he wasn't too keen on having a lot of alcohol in the house. Too much temptation some days and if he was in that kind of mood, he'd prefer to be at the Wild Pony with friends who could keep him in check.

Which wasn't an option. Might not be an option for a while.

"I am entirely not random, thank you very much," he says, heading for the driver's seat. "And not my fault you and my father snuck around," he teases, getting in behind the wheel, glancing at Alex. "Even if I'm glad he did, though I wasn't wrong about finding answers there. Just saying."

Nodding at the comment about needing to stop, pulling out and heading for the package store. The silence feels tense, heavier than it's been all morning and that's saying something when they'd been searching for answers about friends possibly being dead. He's not sure what to say though, or even if there's anything that can be said to help.

"Have you eaten at all? Do I have that talk about drinking on an empty stomach?" Trying to make it sound like a joke, teasing, and hypocritical as hell given he hasn't eaten either.

"You're absolutely random," Alex muttered, mostly for osmething else to say. He did make a bit of a face at the mention of Alex and Kyle's father sneaking around. Sure, it wasn't like that, but after finding out that Kyle was actually Rosa's half-brother, it was a little weird to hear.

"Fine," he said when Kyle mentioned food. "Stop for fast food, too. Unless you want me to make omelets or something."

Except he didn't really want to stop drinking long enough to cook. He was willing to eat while he was drinking. So if Kyle wanted him to have food, they'd have to get it before the alcohol.

Despite the fact that Kyle has been nearly out of it all morning, now that he has a focus and someone to care for, he's pulling himself together. It's why he's good at what he does, at the life he chose for himself, and it's showing now.

"Naw, we'll stop for food. You definitely don't have to do anything once we get back to the cabin," he says, thinking about his route for a minute and then heading to the package store first. "You can stay in the car if you want. Do you want anything in particular?"

Maybe it's not what Alex needs this minute but until they get home and Kyle can start pouring drinks, it's the best thing he can offer. Just to be there for Alex. Just getting through both stops and getting them away from everyone else and let him just try and forget for a minute.

Alex shook his head. "You were the one who was shot and now you're the one taking care of me." He... He'd only had his heart shattered. Only. "I'll come in with you." And they'd pick out a handful of bottles of alcohol and figure out food and then they would go home and drink until he didn't care that Michael had chosen Maria over him. That he wouldn't care that he hadn't seen it coming because he'd taken Maria at her word.

But he could hold up under a little emotional strain and it wasn't fair of him to make Kyle take up the slack, not in his condition. So they'd do it together. And then get completely plastered together.

It wasn't long before they had all the things they needed and were heading home. And still Alex couldn't keep from seeing Michael playing the guitar. Needless to say, he'd been quiet for most of the drive.

"Technically I got hit with a fastball from about ninety paces. I'll survive," he says, dismissing it as if that is all that matters. And in Kyle's mind, in that moment, it is all that matters.

So he gets the alcohol, and gets them food, and heads out to the cabin. To his credit, Kyle doesn't try and make small talk, doesn't ask about whatever it is Alex has seen. Just getting him back to the cabin and grabbing their bags to head inside.

"Anything you need me to do before we start pouring drinks?"

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