[Just like that he's there, settling himself on the floor, leaning his shoulder against the door. Whatever it is Nick needs. ]
All I'm going to ask is if you're okay physically and if there's anything I can do for you? Even if it's the thing we should probably avoid and Michael would have my ass for. The rest we can work on but don't die on me. Okay?
[He doesn't know how bad it is, he is keeping his word, but he can't handle that. ]
( it's hardly even a lie, really. nate knows his way around a healing potion and nick had knocked that back pretty much the moment the other witch had left, but that doesn't mean much.
but. physically, he is okay, and that's the question that was asked. )
Healing potion, works wonders. Besides, I wasn't going to die.
( he rests his head back against the door, and it all feels very dramatic and maudlin — but the other options are either opening up the door, or telling kyle to go away, and neither of those are options he's willing to consider right now. )
Tell me about something. I don't know, weird medical facts. Why vampires don't hate garlic.
I hope you mean Nate's. [ Because Kyle trusts him. ] I'm just asking because I'm respecting your wishes. I don't know how bad things are.
[ Except Maria's asking him and it's led to talks about his having killed someone. So that's a talk to be had. ]
Because my type of vampires are the result of witchcraft.
[ Maybe this is a good thing to tell him about as a witch. And screw if maybe he shouldn't talk about it. Not like he doesn't know it all.
He leans his head against the door, talking as steadily as he can. ]
Their parents were a witch and a man who lived near what they learned was a werewolf tribe. One night their youngest snuck out to see what they did, and was killed. The witch couldn't risk the idea of losing any more of her children and so she created a spell and cast it on the children.
She did what she had to so that her children never died again, and so she made it that nothing could kill them and they would never age.
( that's already more than he wants to say, but even he can see it's not fair to ask kyle to go off of no information at all.
it's nice though, listening to him talk. even if the topic is grim — he's heard all sorts of stories about how vampires are born, from the strange fiction ones, to the rules that created something similar in his own world. never a story like this, though.
a tale as old as time, though. corrupted magic, he's seen it happen himself. )
So vampires in that world all exist, because a witch tried to save her kids.
That's...
( a little crazy. a little insane. a little selfish, really. mostly, it's just sad. )
Is there anything that can get you guys then, if garlic doesn't work? Daylight doesn't matter, I'm sure I've seen you in a reflection somewhere. Is any of it true?
I'm sorry, Nick. I hate that I've let you down and not protected you. It's all I've wanted with my submissives and my friends.
[ It's how he'd spent a day being beaten before he was turned, protecting his first sub. And he knows now that if he knew the truth, even with what Maria had told him about the other person not having control. He's certain he would end up trying to rip out someone's heart. Even as emotional that action is to him. ]
I'm going to tell you a secret. Daylight really does matter. That ring I wear all the time? It's the only reason sunlight doesn't kill me. Without it that would be the end of me.
I can heal nearly anything. I... I witnessed my sire rip out his own heart once and a few minutes later he was fine. [ Kyle hadn't been fine though. He still wasn't, not about that. ] Stakes are a real danger. There's an herb called vervain that can make it that I can't use compulsion or my powers. It will cause damage to me.
( nick didn't do anything wrong either, he'd really just been in the wrong place at the wrong time — which is more frustrating, really, but at least one thing is clear. kyle couldn't have done anything to stop this.
for all nick knows about vampires ( clearly not much ) he gets the very distinct feeling that this is the sort of thing that should be kept quiet, and that settles weirdly in his chest, part of a very different box to remain unopened. )
I don't think you're supposed to tell me all of this... ( he responds quietly, only because he's pretty sure that kyle can hear him anyway. he runs his finger over the space on the floor where the marks of nate's charm had disappeared without a trace.
he doesn't break the spell, but he thinks about it. ) How many people know all of that?
[ He's not sure he did anything right either, and much as logically he knows there's nothing he could do, he hates he couldn't stop Nick from being hurt like this.
He definitely hears him though, and he knows the truth of what he's saying. He's right. Hell, he's had this talk with Michael. So when that question comes, he's quiet a minute, not sure what the right answer would be. ]
There are those from that world here that know the truth. About a half dozen people who are from the same family or lines that I know of.
Other than that... Michael and Alex know. Anyone that knows what a lapis ring means that others have told, maybe. Whoever the witch is that Elijah went to.
[ Trying to be casual about it, as if it's not a big deal he just told Nick had to destroy him. ]
( he might have been trying for casual, but that doesn't make the list any longer. nick will have all sorts of ways to examine all of that later, but for now he just picks at his thumbnail and thinks about secret sharing, very intently and very quietly, for an intense, internal moment.
and then he shifts his weight around, and presses his palm against the door instead. )
I still don't want to talk about it.
( he doesn't think that kyle has forgotten, but he brings the point up again anyway. this time, because he's digging out the crystal that deactivates the charm on the door and pressing the point into his thumb until a bead of blood wells up against the stone.
it only takes a moment for the ward to deactivate, and once that's done he stands up and pulls the door open. )
You can come in, if you want. This is a little dumb.
[ It's not many to Kyle, though he's never made an outright effort to hide it. At least not until Michael pointed out that he should. Tell Nick was a choice though. Not for answers, but because he wanted him to know. ]
I'm not going to ask you to talk about it.
[He stops as the door opens, catching the sound of of it opening a moment before it does. Staring at Nick for a moment.
He knows there won't be signs of wounds, but he's still expecting them. He can't imagine how bad it actually was from the things Maria said to him, but there's no signs of it. Except that Nick had felt the need to lock himself in his room. ]
[Whatever you need right now is not dumb, Nick. Thank you though.
Stepping a bit closer but not crowding him. Even as he starts to lift his arm, stopping himself from pulling him closer to him. Not sure what's going to be too much now, how much is asking too much. ]
( that, at least, is honest. he steps back from the door to let kyle walk into the bedroom, but he hovers short of actually going near the other man for a moment. it's not so much that he doesn't want to be close to him, just that nick feels very unpredictable right now.
for someone incredibly chaotic by nature, he's actually pretty uncomfortable with not being able to predict what might happen next. he closes the door still though, and when he turns back to kyle he looks cautious. )
Can you just– don't move...
( a bit of a weird request maybe, but no weirder than anything else he's asked for today. nick reaches a hand out to touch one of kyle's, sliding it up slowly until his hand reaches kyle's wrist. all of that has been fine so far, but he's still careful as he steps in closer until his upper arm leans against kyle's chest. )
[ There's a million things Kyle wants to offer, to try and give him but he knows that right now it's all about what Nick needs and wants, and Kyle is going to do anything he can to give him just that.
He follows him into the room but he gives him distance.
He nods though at that. ]
Whatever you need.
[ And he not only doesn't move, he goes still. Unnaturally so, one advantage to being a vampire that he'd never thought would be needed. So he is stone still, letting Nick touch him as he needs.
Watching him, his chest aching because he only knows it was bad from Nick's reaction and how it's hurting Maria, but he doesn't let that show. Except perhaps in how bright his eyes get, hating to see Nick like this.
Nick who Kyle had not been able to stay away from, and who threw himself at Kyle. Nick with his chaotic vibrancy and now it's dimmed and everything that was inhumane in Kyle wants to destroy whoever did this to him. To literally break them into tiny pieces so maybe even this place couldn't bring them back together. ]
( he's not going to lose it in front of kyle. that much is incredibly important to him, even as his chest aches and he has to swallow down a lump in his throat that threatens to burst. the whole point of shutting people out of the room was to prevent exactly this, but the idea of sending kyle out of here now is somehow so much worse.
he waits another moment, hovering just short of any real kind of contact, and then nick turns very abruptly and throws his arms around kyle's neck. he clings tight, enough that it's probably a good thing kyle isn't human, and he exhales slowly.
[ All Kyle wants to do is hold Nick close and just try and offer whatever comfort he can. Instead he just holds himself very still, ignoring the way his eyes burn and his chest hurts. There's almost a physical pain in wanting to move but he knows it's his desires and this needs to be about what Nick needs.
At first he doesn't move, closing his eyes and fighting back tears. Then just one arm moves, resting his palm against his back. Not holding him tight, just trying to offer some kind of comfort. ]
How can I help?
[ His voice is so small and so soft, scared of startling him and making Nick push him out. ]
( the answer to a question like that is so big that nick can't possibly fathom a real answer right now. he wants to scream, but the idea of actually vocalising any of the thoughts rattling around his head makes him feel insane. he wants to be by himself, but he wants kyle here more. contradictions on contradictions, and the only sure thing is that the touch around his waist is the only thing that has made him feel remotely better so far. )
You're helping.
( he's just as quiet as kyle, leaning until his cheek rests against the other man's and exhaling carefully and slowly. and when that isn't enough, he turns his face too, brushes a kiss across kyle's cheek and closes his eyes. )
You are. I just want–
( he cuts off, frustrated, because half the problem is that nick has no idea what it is nick wants, from kyle or in general. )
[ It's always been part of Kyle to just forge in and do things, fix them, make it better. It's why he hasn't held back in medical school, why he's a surgeon. It's why he learned all he could to help Liz, then Isobel when she was so sick. It's what he had started out doing in this place but his ex had drawn him off course.
Now he's back to trying to be the man he wants to be and he isn't sure how. He just knows that for both of their sake, he has to not know what truly happened because seeing Nick like this, he's sure he's going to destroy someone. He's not sure he's not going to do like he is now.
So when Nick moves in closer, that soft nuzzle and the kiss, Kyle feels something loosen in his chest.
No less tense though as he shifts slowly, wrapping his arms around Nick and holding him as he presses a kiss to his temple. ]
Then just stay like this. Take what you need because I'm here for you. Nothing else matters right now.
[ He'll get back to texting Maria, but right now he's here for Nick. ]
I want to skip to the part where I've already forgotten about this.
( nick has annoyingly complex feelings on all things mind and memory, frankly. most of the time it isn't an issue, but moments like now, he'd rather be the type of person that was happy to just get their memory altered. it'd be simple to just wipe the whole thing — but even as the thought appeals to him, the idea makes his skin crawl.
there's really no winning, here.
he sighs as he loosens a hand around kyle's shoulders, slides it around until his palm rests over kyle's cheek instead. )
I don't want to... ( he trails off, a vague sense of tension in the words even if his body is significantly more relaxed. he leans up again, watching kyle and his reactions carefully for a moment for any kind of issue before he leans in again. pressing another soft kiss, this time to the corner of kyle's mouth. ) I just want this, for now. That's all.
I'm sorry. You know if I could do that for you, I would offer.
[ Of course if he could do that, he wouldn't be turning to Ragnor to get rid of the emotional connection to Elijah's memories. ]
You know there are those that can help with that, if it's what you want.
[ Though in this place, how often could he end up having to do it? It's a sick and scary though, and he hates Nick has to be here for this. Even if he would miss him for as long as he gets to live if he left.
Kyle doesn't take anything. He lets Nick lead things with his touch, his kisses. Following that lead as he slides one hand along his back, trying to sooth him, offering what comfort he can. ]
I'm here, Nick. As long as you need. Whatever you need. You wanna move somewhere? Sit down? Or we can just stay here.
( the thing is, nick hates memory magic. hates the idea of someone being in his head at all, actually, but fiddling around with memories, changing things, it makes his skin crawl. and yet, the offer sounds...incredibly appealing.
he still shakes his head, but the thought is tucked away in the back of his mind for now. instead he takes a step back, catching hold of kyle's hand and holding on tight. )
Come lie down. ( it's not phrased as a question but it is one, nick holding kyle's gaze with a very carefully neutral expression. because he'd really been on the verge of admitting— something to himself, and if this whole situation has shattered that, nick really doesn't know what he'll do.
the city can have everything else, he doesn't care. it can't have this. not before nick even knows what this could be. ) Just lying down. Just for a bit.
[ That singular touch is like a lifeline. Clinging to Nick's hand, terrified he'll lose him because of this and so thankful when he asks that of him.
Following him to the bed, staying close to him. ]
Of course. I'm ready to stay right here with you for as long as you'll let me.
[ He knows he's being needy, and he's not hiding how much he cares about Nick even if he's not going to put it in words. He knows enough to realize that would be a bad idea, especially right now. ]
( nick climbs into the bed, shifts to one side to make space for kyle, and holds his breath. really does it, too, because as much as he wants everything to be the same, he really can't predict how things will change.
but he doesn't tense, and he doesn't panic, and it's honestly such a relief that nick has to turn his face into the pillow and let out that long held sigh. )
Tell me something about you. Something that's not sad.
( he won't tolerate it forever, nick knows too much about himself to believe that, but for now he just wants to worm his way into kyle's arms and stay there. for as long as he can manage. )
[ Kyle may not know what was on that video, but pieces and horrible thoughts are coming to him and so he's being as careful as he can be as he follows Nick and slides up onto the bed.
Moving slowly to curl up on the bed next to him. Not pressing in too close, leaving space but laying so that if Nick wants to, he can move in closer to him as he slides his arm over his waist.
Not sad things. That does make it hard, because so many good things in his life also makes him think about horrible things as well. ]
I went to school at University of Michigan. I was on a football scholarship as a quarterback. And my first season, I screwed up my knee.
Which is not sad. [ He rushes to add that. ] Because I switched to medicine and realized how much I love being a doctor. I like being able to help people.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ok. it's not weird, worrying but not weird.
what do you need? talk to me about anything, ok?
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actually its not but i dont really want to talk about it
doors locked, but you could come talk for a bit if u want
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whatever you need. we can text. i can talk through the door. whatever i can for you, nick.
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cause idk i'm kind of over texting
if youre not busy
action
[Just like that he's there, settling himself on the floor, leaning his shoulder against the door. Whatever it is Nick needs. ]
All I'm going to ask is if you're okay physically and if there's anything I can do for you? Even if it's the thing we should probably avoid and Michael would have my ass for. The rest we can work on but don't die on me. Okay?
[He doesn't know how bad it is, he is keeping his word, but he can't handle that. ]
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( it's hardly even a lie, really. nate knows his way around a healing potion and nick had knocked that back pretty much the moment the other witch had left, but that doesn't mean much.
but. physically, he is okay, and that's the question that was asked. )
Healing potion, works wonders. Besides, I wasn't going to die.
( he rests his head back against the door, and it all feels very dramatic and maudlin — but the other options are either opening up the door, or telling kyle to go away, and neither of those are options he's willing to consider right now. )
Tell me about something. I don't know, weird medical facts. Why vampires don't hate garlic.
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[ Except Maria's asking him and it's led to talks about his having killed someone. So that's a talk to be had. ]
Because my type of vampires are the result of witchcraft.
[ Maybe this is a good thing to tell him about as a witch. And screw if maybe he shouldn't talk about it. Not like he doesn't know it all.
He leans his head against the door, talking as steadily as he can. ]
Their parents were a witch and a man who lived near what they learned was a werewolf tribe. One night their youngest snuck out to see what they did, and was killed. The witch couldn't risk the idea of losing any more of her children and so she created a spell and cast it on the children.
She did what she had to so that her children never died again, and so she made it that nothing could kill them and they would never age.
She hadn't counted on the other side of things.
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( that's already more than he wants to say, but even he can see it's not fair to ask kyle to go off of no information at all.
it's nice though, listening to him talk. even if the topic is grim — he's heard all sorts of stories about how vampires are born, from the strange fiction ones, to the rules that created something similar in his own world. never a story like this, though.
a tale as old as time, though. corrupted magic, he's seen it happen himself. )
So vampires in that world all exist, because a witch tried to save her kids.
That's...
( a little crazy. a little insane. a little selfish, really. mostly, it's just sad. )
Is there anything that can get you guys then, if garlic doesn't work? Daylight doesn't matter, I'm sure I've seen you in a reflection somewhere. Is any of it true?
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[ It's how he'd spent a day being beaten before he was turned, protecting his first sub. And he knows now that if he knew the truth, even with what Maria had told him about the other person not having control. He's certain he would end up trying to rip out someone's heart. Even as emotional that action is to him. ]
I'm going to tell you a secret. Daylight really does matter. That ring I wear all the time? It's the only reason sunlight doesn't kill me. Without it that would be the end of me.
I can heal nearly anything. I... I witnessed my sire rip out his own heart once and a few minutes later he was fine. [ Kyle hadn't been fine though. He still wasn't, not about that. ] Stakes are a real danger. There's an herb called vervain that can make it that I can't use compulsion or my powers. It will cause damage to me.
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( nick didn't do anything wrong either, he'd really just been in the wrong place at the wrong time — which is more frustrating, really, but at least one thing is clear. kyle couldn't have done anything to stop this.
for all nick knows about vampires ( clearly not much ) he gets the very distinct feeling that this is the sort of thing that should be kept quiet, and that settles weirdly in his chest, part of a very different box to remain unopened. )
I don't think you're supposed to tell me all of this... ( he responds quietly, only because he's pretty sure that kyle can hear him anyway. he runs his finger over the space on the floor where the marks of nate's charm had disappeared without a trace.
he doesn't break the spell, but he thinks about it. ) How many people know all of that?
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He definitely hears him though, and he knows the truth of what he's saying. He's right. Hell, he's had this talk with Michael. So when that question comes, he's quiet a minute, not sure what the right answer would be. ]
There are those from that world here that know the truth. About a half dozen people who are from the same family or lines that I know of.
Other than that... Michael and Alex know. Anyone that knows what a lapis ring means that others have told, maybe. Whoever the witch is that Elijah went to.
[ Trying to be casual about it, as if it's not a big deal he just told Nick had to destroy him. ]
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( he might have been trying for casual, but that doesn't make the list any longer. nick will have all sorts of ways to examine all of that later, but for now he just picks at his thumbnail and thinks about secret sharing, very intently and very quietly, for an intense, internal moment.
and then he shifts his weight around, and presses his palm against the door instead. )
I still don't want to talk about it.
( he doesn't think that kyle has forgotten, but he brings the point up again anyway. this time, because he's digging out the crystal that deactivates the charm on the door and pressing the point into his thumb until a bead of blood wells up against the stone.
it only takes a moment for the ward to deactivate, and once that's done he stands up and pulls the door open. )
You can come in, if you want. This is a little dumb.
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I'm not going to ask you to talk about it.
[He stops as the door opens, catching the sound of of it opening a moment before it does. Staring at Nick for a moment.
He knows there won't be signs of wounds, but he's still expecting them. He can't imagine how bad it actually was from the things Maria said to him, but there's no signs of it. Except that Nick had felt the need to lock himself in his room. ]
[Whatever you need right now is not dumb, Nick. Thank you though.
Stepping a bit closer but not crowding him. Even as he starts to lift his arm, stopping himself from pulling him closer to him. Not sure what's going to be too much now, how much is asking too much. ]
What do you need?
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( that, at least, is honest. he steps back from the door to let kyle walk into the bedroom, but he hovers short of actually going near the other man for a moment. it's not so much that he doesn't want to be close to him, just that nick feels very unpredictable right now.
for someone incredibly chaotic by nature, he's actually pretty uncomfortable with not being able to predict what might happen next. he closes the door still though, and when he turns back to kyle he looks cautious. )
Can you just– don't move...
( a bit of a weird request maybe, but no weirder than anything else he's asked for today. nick reaches a hand out to touch one of kyle's, sliding it up slowly until his hand reaches kyle's wrist. all of that has been fine so far, but he's still careful as he steps in closer until his upper arm leans against kyle's chest. )
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He follows him into the room but he gives him distance.
He nods though at that. ]
Whatever you need.
[ And he not only doesn't move, he goes still. Unnaturally so, one advantage to being a vampire that he'd never thought would be needed. So he is stone still, letting Nick touch him as he needs.
Watching him, his chest aching because he only knows it was bad from Nick's reaction and how it's hurting Maria, but he doesn't let that show. Except perhaps in how bright his eyes get, hating to see Nick like this.
Nick who Kyle had not been able to stay away from, and who threw himself at Kyle. Nick with his chaotic vibrancy and now it's dimmed and everything that was inhumane in Kyle wants to destroy whoever did this to him. To literally break them into tiny pieces so maybe even this place couldn't bring them back together. ]
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he waits another moment, hovering just short of any real kind of contact, and then nick turns very abruptly and throws his arms around kyle's neck. he clings tight, enough that it's probably a good thing kyle isn't human, and he exhales slowly.
he still doesn't lose it. )
I don't want to think about this shit any more.
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At first he doesn't move, closing his eyes and fighting back tears. Then just one arm moves, resting his palm against his back. Not holding him tight, just trying to offer some kind of comfort. ]
How can I help?
[ His voice is so small and so soft, scared of startling him and making Nick push him out. ]
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You're helping.
( he's just as quiet as kyle, leaning until his cheek rests against the other man's and exhaling carefully and slowly. and when that isn't enough, he turns his face too, brushes a kiss across kyle's cheek and closes his eyes. )
You are. I just want–
( he cuts off, frustrated, because half the problem is that nick has no idea what it is nick wants, from kyle or in general. )
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Now he's back to trying to be the man he wants to be and he isn't sure how. He just knows that for both of their sake, he has to not know what truly happened because seeing Nick like this, he's sure he's going to destroy someone. He's not sure he's not going to do like he is now.
So when Nick moves in closer, that soft nuzzle and the kiss, Kyle feels something loosen in his chest.
No less tense though as he shifts slowly, wrapping his arms around Nick and holding him as he presses a kiss to his temple. ]
Then just stay like this. Take what you need because I'm here for you. Nothing else matters right now.
[ He'll get back to texting Maria, but right now he's here for Nick. ]
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( nick has annoyingly complex feelings on all things mind and memory, frankly. most of the time it isn't an issue, but moments like now, he'd rather be the type of person that was happy to just get their memory altered. it'd be simple to just wipe the whole thing — but even as the thought appeals to him, the idea makes his skin crawl.
there's really no winning, here.
he sighs as he loosens a hand around kyle's shoulders, slides it around until his palm rests over kyle's cheek instead. )
I don't want to... ( he trails off, a vague sense of tension in the words even if his body is significantly more relaxed. he leans up again, watching kyle and his reactions carefully for a moment for any kind of issue before he leans in again. pressing another soft kiss, this time to the corner of kyle's mouth. ) I just want this, for now. That's all.
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[ Of course if he could do that, he wouldn't be turning to Ragnor to get rid of the emotional connection to Elijah's memories. ]
You know there are those that can help with that, if it's what you want.
[ Though in this place, how often could he end up having to do it? It's a sick and scary though, and he hates Nick has to be here for this. Even if he would miss him for as long as he gets to live if he left.
Kyle doesn't take anything. He lets Nick lead things with his touch, his kisses. Following that lead as he slides one hand along his back, trying to sooth him, offering what comfort he can. ]
I'm here, Nick. As long as you need. Whatever you need. You wanna move somewhere? Sit down? Or we can just stay here.
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he still shakes his head, but the thought is tucked away in the back of his mind for now. instead he takes a step back, catching hold of kyle's hand and holding on tight. )
Come lie down. ( it's not phrased as a question but it is one, nick holding kyle's gaze with a very carefully neutral expression. because he'd really been on the verge of admitting— something to himself, and if this whole situation has shattered that, nick really doesn't know what he'll do.
the city can have everything else, he doesn't care. it can't have this. not before nick even knows what this could be. ) Just lying down. Just for a bit.
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Following him to the bed, staying close to him. ]
Of course. I'm ready to stay right here with you for as long as you'll let me.
[ He knows he's being needy, and he's not hiding how much he cares about Nick even if he's not going to put it in words. He knows enough to realize that would be a bad idea, especially right now. ]
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but he doesn't tense, and he doesn't panic, and it's honestly such a relief that nick has to turn his face into the pillow and let out that long held sigh. )
Tell me something about you. Something that's not sad.
( he won't tolerate it forever, nick knows too much about himself to believe that, but for now he just wants to worm his way into kyle's arms and stay there. for as long as he can manage. )
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Moving slowly to curl up on the bed next to him. Not pressing in too close, leaving space but laying so that if Nick wants to, he can move in closer to him as he slides his arm over his waist.
Not sad things. That does make it hard, because so many good things in his life also makes him think about horrible things as well. ]
I went to school at University of Michigan. I was on a football scholarship as a quarterback. And my first season, I screwed up my knee.
Which is not sad. [ He rushes to add that. ] Because I switched to medicine and realized how much I love being a doctor. I like being able to help people.
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