I don't know if you want all the details but it's bad. It's horrific.
[ Granted, Maria has normal sensibilities about these things. She hasn't yet been inured to the ways of Duplicity. But she's a mess after seeing it. She can't imagine how Nick is. ]
[ If he's letting Kyle in even that little bit, then maybe he can get through this. Maria's not sure how, but somehow. ]
I don't think it was the guy's fault. He was drugged. They were pumping him full of something. I don't know what could do that to a person but I can't believe he would do that by choice.
Trust me. I know what can do that to a person here. You wouldn't believe the things they can do. Even now.
[But just this is painting an ugly picture and Kyle can feel that aggression welling inside of him. ]
His fault or not, I can't always control myself. I lost control once, when they took my sire from me. Best thing that could happen all around but took a month of no emotions to figure that out.
[ Maria definitely cannot believe that they could do worse than this, because this seems pretty terrible. But if Kyle says it's a possibility, then Maria holds onto that. As a warning and as a fear that will haunt her. ]
I went through a lot with my sire, Maria. a lot i barely talk about but I'm beginning to realize how bad it was.
[ Michael and Alex have been making it clear to him. ]
I did. When it happens it's just what you want and nothing else matters. I won't let it happen again, Maria. I'm doing everything I can so it won't happen.
[ Maria has no idea how bad it possibly could have been, because this is different from Duplicity, isn't it? This is just vampire stuff which, while still apparently terrible, at least doesn't have anything to do with sexual abuse. Right? ]
[Kyle is torn between thinking that maybe they should talk about it, and wishing he could just not let someone else see how pathetic he had been and all he'd endured in the name of love.
A love he was pretty sure wasn't entirely real and could have been created by this place. ]
I'm not going to hurt anyone, Maria. Not right now. Trust me. Right now I'm feeling everything.
Tell me if you're okay? You don't have to be. I should be asking you what you need.
We're going to do our best for one another, Maria.
I couldn't have promised you that in Roswell either, but I know the same thing here as I did there. We're going to take care of one another the best we can.
I'm sorry I can't promise more than that but I won't lie to you either.
No matter what you do, how ironclad your contract is, how much you have going with you to protect them... there's nothing you can do.
But it doesn't stop you from feeling responsible and guilty for what you couldn't do for them.
Before I was ever even a vampire, I jumped guards for trying to hurt my first sub. Spent my day being beaten while being told what was happening to her and nothing I could do for her.
I would take any abuse to protect them and I can't. Not always.
I'm not going to pretend you're not right, Maria. We don't know how bad it can be, but you're not alone. Okay?
You have something. You have me and Michael and Alex and Liz. We are going to do the best we can to take care of one another, no matter what happens.
I would rather it be me than some sweet guy like Nick. Or Michael who has already been through hell and back. Same with Manes. I hate that any of you are here and dealing with this, and I just want to do all I can.
What can I do for you?
[ He feels like he's getting somewhere with Nick, just giving him other things to focus on and it's taking him everything not to look at the network. If it wasn't for texting Maria, his device would likely be in the ocean even if he knows that won't last. Whatever he can do for others though it means not thinking harder on why he's trying to be there for them. ]
[ This is why Maria passed over the fact that Kyle's killed someone, or at least tucked it away for discussion later. He's being so selfless, so honestly concerned for the well-being of others and not himself. She wouldn't have believed the change in him from high school bully to caring doctor if she hadn't seen it from afar, and now it's hard to believe that he would do anything but care.
But they all have their secrets and their dark corners, don't they? ]
You're letting me freak out over text at you while I wait for Michael to come over. I think you're good on the helping me front.
For the record, I don't want it to be you, either. Nick looks like a kid and there's no denying Michael and Alex have been through shit. But that doesn't mean you should draw the short straw. None of us should.
All you can do sometimes is pick up the pieces after the fact. Like you are with Nick. And that's good.
[ He knows one day they'll have to talk about it. All of it. His time here. The things he's done. And Cain's death. All of it. One day. ]
I'm glad he's on his way. I've been texting him as well while I'm talking to Nick.
No, none of us should have to deal with this but this place doesn't care. So if I can do something for any of you, I will. I just want to take care of who I can of those I think of as my people.
Sorry, Deluca, you're one of them.
It's what I'm going to do. It just breaks my heart that anyone could hurt him. The city not the others hurt as well.
Oh no, poor me. Watched over by a Valenti. It's not like you've got a protective streak in your blood.
I know it hurts. And I know how helpless you must feel right now, because it wasn't in your power to stop it or to bring justice against those that did it. But like you said you do what you can to take care of yours.
[ That has to be enough. Until it isn't. But that's for another day, a day when they have a chance of breaking out of this place. ]
[ He has reasons to think that isn't always a good thing but he's not really sure about talking about them right now either. ]
These days you never know what I have in my blood.
[ It's a bad joke but it's also true that from all the things he still feels and has in his head from months ago, he finds himself feeling that way about some. He just has a cool enough head to remind himself he doesn't get to be that way. ]
I'm trying to focus on that and not let myself feel the other things and let it hurt me. All I can do is focus on is him.
[ It is a bad joke and were they face to face, Maria would have given him a look. Instead it's: ]
🙄
Focus on him for now, but you gotta feel the rest. Just in a controlled space, a better environment. Stuffing it all down will make an explosion eventually.
I'm never going to let that happen. I swear. It's happened once and I'm not going to let that happen again. I swear. Just going to take care of those I can, anyway I can.
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how bad is it, maria?
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I don't know if you want all the details but it's bad. It's horrific.
[ Granted, Maria has normal sensibilities about these things. She hasn't yet been inured to the ways of Duplicity. But she's a mess after seeing it. She can't imagine how Nick is. ]
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[Nick didn't know how bad it could be but now it's starting to form some kind of a picture. ]
how are you?
i'm sitting here waiting. he's locked in his room but he's texting me. which is good because i want to know who and that could be bad.
[ He's fought so hard not to let his emotions go again but all of this could lead to that again and even Michael kicking his ass might not help. ]
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[ If he's letting Kyle in even that little bit, then maybe he can get through this. Maria's not sure how, but somehow. ]
I don't think it was the guy's fault. He was drugged. They were pumping him full of something. I don't know what could do that to a person but I can't believe he would do that by choice.
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[But just this is painting an ugly picture and Kyle can feel that aggression welling inside of him. ]
His fault or not, I can't always control myself. I lost control once, when they took my sire from me. Best thing that could happen all around but took a month of no emotions to figure that out.
No emotions meant no conscience for what I did.
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kyle what do you mean? no conscience?
did you
kill someone?
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[ Michael and Alex have been making it clear to him. ]
I did. When it happens it's just what you want and nothing else matters. I won't let it happen again, Maria. I'm doing everything I can so it won't happen.
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Kyle
what do you need? how can I help?
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A love he was pretty sure wasn't entirely real and could have been created by this place. ]
I'm not going to hurt anyone, Maria. Not right now. Trust me. Right now I'm feeling everything.
Tell me if you're okay? You don't have to be. I should be asking you what you need.
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But you've got bigger things on your plate.
I'll be ok.
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[ He knows he needs the focus to not think too hard. Especially about not looking at what actually happened.
Or thinking about what Maria thinks knowing he's killed. ]
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But I know now that that's going to be a sweet lie and nothing I can hold on to.
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I couldn't have promised you that in Roswell either, but I know the same thing here as I did there. We're going to take care of one another the best we can.
I'm sorry I can't promise more than that but I won't lie to you either.
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I know you're right it's just so much easier to be scared right now.
I'm a Dominant. I'm going to be responsible for someone. And I'm not even equipped for this.
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No matter what you do, how ironclad your contract is, how much you have going with you to protect them... there's nothing you can do.
But it doesn't stop you from feeling responsible and guilty for what you couldn't do for them.
Before I was ever even a vampire, I jumped guards for trying to hurt my first sub. Spent my day being beaten while being told what was happening to her and nothing I could do for her.
I would take any abuse to protect them and I can't. Not always.
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I don't like feeling helpless, Kyle. That's not how I work. I need something that I can hang onto.
But even if it is all of you, what happens when it's you on the screen? I don't know what I'll do but I have to do something.
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We don't know how bad it can be, but you're not alone. Okay?
You have something. You have me and Michael and Alex and Liz. We are going to do the best we can to take care of one another, no matter what happens.
I would rather it be me than some sweet guy like Nick. Or Michael who has already been through hell and back. Same with Manes. I hate that any of you are here and dealing with this, and I just want to do all I can.
What can I do for you?
[ He feels like he's getting somewhere with Nick, just giving him other things to focus on and it's taking him everything not to look at the network. If it wasn't for texting Maria, his device would likely be in the ocean even if he knows that won't last. Whatever he can do for others though it means not thinking harder on why he's trying to be there for them. ]
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But they all have their secrets and their dark corners, don't they? ]
You're letting me freak out over text at you while I wait for Michael to come over. I think you're good on the helping me front.
For the record, I don't want it to be you, either. Nick looks like a kid and there's no denying Michael and Alex have been through shit. But that doesn't mean you should draw the short straw. None of us should.
All you can do sometimes is pick up the pieces after the fact. Like you are with Nick. And that's good.
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I'm glad he's on his way. I've been texting him as well while I'm talking to Nick.
No, none of us should have to deal with this but this place doesn't care. So if I can do something for any of you, I will. I just want to take care of who I can of those I think of as my people.
Sorry, Deluca, you're one of them.
It's what I'm going to do. It just breaks my heart that anyone could hurt him. The city not the others hurt as well.
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I know it hurts. And I know how helpless you must feel right now, because it wasn't in your power to stop it or to bring justice against those that did it. But like you said you do what you can to take care of yours.
[ That has to be enough. Until it isn't. But that's for another day, a day when they have a chance of breaking out of this place. ]
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These days you never know what I have in my blood.
[ It's a bad joke but it's also true that from all the things he still feels and has in his head from months ago, he finds himself feeling that way about some. He just has a cool enough head to remind himself he doesn't get to be that way. ]
I'm trying to focus on that and not let myself feel the other things and let it hurt me. All I can do is focus on is him.
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🙄
Focus on him for now, but you gotta feel the rest. Just in a controlled space, a better environment. Stuffing it all down will make an explosion eventually.
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I'm never going to let that happen. I swear. It's happened once and I'm not going to let that happen again. I swear. Just going to take care of those I can, anyway I can.
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That includes taking care of yourself. Swear you'll do that too.
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[ And he's just going to ignore the rest. The pain and loss and troubles he's been through. ]
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