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I suppose you're right. That is something to consider.

God, I'm so sorry — I know you didn't ask to hear any of this, but I wanted to explain myself to you. I was so reticent with you in the hospital, and I've felt terribly guilty ever since.

I've only ever shared blood with a handful of people, you see. And it has always been in the context of, well, romance. And with Lestat so recently gone, and things as chaotic as they were, and my own loneliness and fear... I was afraid that I would taint one of the few purely good things I've ever done as a vampire with my own selfish instincts.

I'm still so glad you came to me. I truly am.

I don't mind being here for you though. If I can help just by being someone to talk to, or help with your hunger or anything, I'm here for you.

You don't need to feel bad about that. You were being kind and generous to me, and I respect your desires and what you want and don't want.

I'm going to ask this and you don't have to offer or to talk about it, but does feeding from other vampire's give you the sort of pleasure that would help with making your quota?

Because sharing with you isn't tainting anything. It's helping a friend. Just as you helped me. And thank you for that. It means a lot to me you were there for me.

( this much unexpected kindness when he's feeling so down and so alone — louis doesn't know what to do with himself. it takes him a moment to compose a response, especially with the sudden tears springing to his eyes. )

I don't know. I suspect it would, but I've never allowed myself to try. We gain power through the blood of those stronger and older than ourselves, you see, and I have seen the toll that the change takes. I want no part of it.

I can't blame you for that, Louis. I know how it feels to want no part of the way others live. There could be others here besides myself who are younger than you.

You'll find a way to not have to be drugged by them. You'll figure out something. We'll figure out something.

[ He's known those that have been through it, and he doesn't want that to be something that Louis goes through either. ]

I'm glad that you understand so much of what I mean without my needing to explain. You've given me much to consider, and I thank you for that.

I have no plans to be disobedient, at any rate. I loathe the system on principle, but there are far worse things they could ask of me. It's only that I haven't had to think of it before.

( and it's a reminder of who he's missing. but that feels like too much to say. )

Just know that here, especially, you don't have to be part of their lives. You aren't alone in this and we'll find a way to get you through things.

I'm glad. I hate having to go along but wouldn't want you to go through that.

You've been so kind to me, though you hardly know me at all. I really can't tell you how grateful I am.

I would like to get to know you better. I will strive to keep my sullen demeanor in check when we next meet, so that we may discuss lighter topics.

You don't need to tell me, but you're welcome. I think the only way we're really going to get through this place is by being kind to one another.

I'd like that to, but just know that you don't have to be any certain way. Okay? You're going through a lot but we'll discuss other things and get to know one another.

Yes, that sounds perfect. I only wish that there could be a better equivalent to asking another vampire out for drinks.

There is a vampire bar that offers vampiric refreshments as well as a full bar. My sire took me a few times.

At least there was. I haven't been there in six months.

Do you mean Fangtasy?

I believe so? I'll be honest the nights we went there I wasn't entirely focused on much of anything. It was my early days and I was kept in a very hyperfocused mood.

Hyperfocused?

It may have changed hands in the intervening time... My daughter, Claudia, co-owns it now.

My siring created a bond that left me entirely and wholly focused on my sire. His wants and desires were pretty much all that mattered then.

Oh. I hadn't realized. Both in the ownership and your child being here. Is she doing well here?

That sounds like pure hell. My first nights as a fledgling — my first months, really — were overwhelming in a way that no mortal experience could have prepared me for. To have your sire take advantage of your heart and mind during that time... God, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Claudia is doing well, I think, at least as much as any of us can be said to be doing well here. In many ways, she is afforded more freedoms in Duplicity than she ever would have been in our world.

Only in looking back on it. I truly believed it was the best for me at the time. I knew from the memories that it was easier for me than for others, but I hadn't realized exactly why. Not how much control there was being exerted over me. At least until it wasn't there.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm doing so much better now though.

I've noticed it's that way for many. It's why I want others to have a say in where they live, but also just not send everyone back to their own worlds.

In my world, she has been dead a century. If she can find another chance somewhere, somehow, then all of this will have been worth it.

Where would you go, if you could? Your own home, or somewhere else?

I'm so sorry, Louis. I'm glad you guys have here then.

That's a hard question. There was a time, with my ex, I knew I would stay here with him. He was dead back home. Now, I don't know. I care deeply about someone who isn't from my world and my best friend is from my world but far as we know, I would be the only vampire.

It seems inevitable that we'll be pulled in different directions the longer we stay here, and the more people we come to care about.
How would you feel about that? Being the only vampire?

Inevitable maybe but there's also the possiblity maybe one day of being able to either make this place better, or to return with others to their homes.
If I had the same people there that I do here? I'd be okay with that I think. Never had to do it though so I can't be sure.

Perhaps it would be best that way, if everyone around you understands you and accepts you as you are.

It's one of the reasons despite it all that I'm comfortable here. I rarely have to hide all that I am.

I understand that. It was a shock coming here and realizing that it didn't matter at all!

I had to be very cautious, especially during the years that I was on my own. I went almost two centuries without ever revealing my true nature to a mortal. But as time went on, and vampires became ever more a thing of film and fiction, it was easy enough to hide in plain sight.

I guess there's that if I ever go back. I can just pretend to be a overzealous wanna-be and develop a following.

I never got the movies. Not until I met one. It's still odd thinking that I may live that long.

The story of my life was published in paperback. The only ones who believed it at all were other vampires.

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